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Other Articles on this page.
*The 4 Key Steps to Resolving Personal Issues
*The True Meaning of Respect
*The Importance of Interpersonal Skills
*Are Your Values Blocking Your Success?
*The True Value of Interacting With Others
Our surnames or family names are often as individual as any birthmark or DNA imprint. Surnames, unlike other names, are essential hand-me-downs of the male lineage, in each case to deliberately identify, delineate and label (as distinct from everyone else), as well as to perpetuate and celebrate a particular tradition, tribe or clan. Family names spell security, consistency, a sense of ownership, level of importance and a strong sense of history. Now it seems that some also spell automatic success.
By themselves surnames do a very good job of sorting people in an unbiased way. But that was until the alphabet took over. The alphabetical use of family names is supposed to offer the ultimate in equal treatment; the fairest and most indifferent form of grouping people into manageable structured units. The twenty-six letters available offer ample room to manoeuvre. However, the alphabet has covertly assumed so much power it has become the final arbiter in our future, allowing no appeal, while it creates an elite which is subconsciously rising to the fore, resulting in the most unequal method of selection in all spheres of our lives.
Ken Adey, noted that one teacher (a Mrs Warner) felt she was being discriminated because of her gender whenever she applied for a head of department's post. But after careful research in the UK in 1986, he concluded that her lack of success owed more to her surname, the first letter of it, in fact. He had observed 89 candidates for 26 teaching posts and, though all the posts were filled, only 5 candidates were appointed from the bottom half of the alphabet!
Controlled by the Alphabet
It seemed that a simple alphabet of letters, an innocuous string of abstract characters, had taken a stranglehold on our lives so that the most important aspects of our existence were continually being dictated by it. What Ken Adey probably didn't realise then, was the endemic nature of the alphabet's negative effects. The education sector was by no means unique. So has anything changed since 21 years ago? Not much, according to the overwhelming evidence available now. The effects are still remarkable and even disturbing.
We deal with the alphabet so much, it has become an automatic process, buried deep within our subconscious. With each new selection for a person or thing, we mentally stop at A and anything after that assumes less and less importance. Thus, in any interview situation, one of the most important occasions in our lives, it seems we are often not selected on what we have to offer, but on whether we can better the first one or two rivals ahead of us, placed there purely by an arbitrary alphabetical system.
It can be of no surprise then that people with surnames in the top third of the alphabet (A-H) have got it made. First in the queue for everything, they remain right at the forefront forever. This conscious awareness of automatically being first, propels them forward subconsciously, to maintain this position at all costs, especially in their occupations.
The evidence is all around us. The most successful people in government (Bush, Blair, Brown, Carter, Clinton, Buffet, Gates?), education, business, the arts, training and the media are from a privileged elite who claim first access to everything by virtue of that magical letter which begins their surname. Despite the overall popularity of the letters R, S and T, they seem to pale into insignificance behind A, B or C. Yet the only noticeable difference is the gap of 18-20 letters which separate them; a gap which precipitates a mental readjustment that appears to create 18-20 more negative aspects for those unfortunates lower down the order.
The 4 Key Steps to Resolving Personal Issues
Imagine an everyday situation. You are at a party or reception, network or gathering, with your spouse or partner. Everything is going well for the first hour or so. But then, gradually, you begin to feel uncomfortable. You can clearly see that your man or woman has been latched like a limpet to the great looking guy or gal in the corner of the room for at least the past hour! You feel excluded, unwanted, rejected. In short, you feel terrible and you are not sure what to do with those feelings because making a scene or accusations would not be kosher. So you wait until you get home, fuming all the way in the wake of his smug smiles and innocent, quizzical looks. You can't wait to tell her what you saw, how selfish she is and how you believe she does not love you any more. He's is clearly a two-timer and 'something must be going on', etc., etc.
As much as that would make you feel better momentarily, such an approach, particularly the words, would not be advisable. Not only would you be thinking for your spouse/partner/lover, but you could be making rash accusations because those words would be expressing YOUR meaning and perception of the situation, not his/hers. People warm to others mainly because of the need for 4 things: They seek significance, appreciation, value and inclusion. Whoever treats us with basic respect in those four ways have got us for life because those constitute the main elements of RESPECT. Your partner/lover could just be basking in the attention of some significance or value he/she might believe is absent from home, especially where they believe they are taken for granted, but actually straying from the nest could be the last thing on their mind.
We cannot be all things to all partners. No one person can ever fulfil all the emotional, occupational and intellectual demands of our lovers. There will always be something that person needs from outside the home to complete them as a vibrant, thinking, feeling person. It helps their development and sense of identity. Futile jealousy and control kill relationships. Only space and understanding keeps them fresh, meaningful and enjoyable.
Observations First
Back to the scene at the party. If you are feeling left out, one thing you could do, before you jump to judgement and evaluation, is to start with simple observation of the bare facts. "I saw you talking to that person for over an hour. You were clearly enjoying yourself, which is fine. But what effect would you expect that to have on me? As I didn't feel I was entirely welcome to join in, how do you suppose that makes me feel?" Then LISTEN.
Questions serve to both challenge and affirm the other person as valuable to you.
But that is only Step One. There is more to do. Just merely having an argument serves no purpose except to keep the bitterness suppressed and your needs unfulfilled. Stage Two is to define your feelings clearly: e.g that you feel 'dejected', angry', 'excluded', 'invisible', whatever you like in that vein, but avoid victim words which suggest that he/she was actually doing something to you, or responsible for your reaction. They are responsible for their action and you are entirely responsible for your reaction to it. Always remember that. No one MAKES us do anything unless we are forced against our will.
Stage Three is the tricky bit: Stating exactly what you need from your lover at that moment. Often we talk a lot about what is wrong with our relationship, or with the other person's behaviour, but not how it can be put right. What would you like that person to DO? Then and there, tomorrow, this week. Not some vague time in the future. Specific things which can yield results and give your spouse a sense of fulfilment and pleasure doing something for you. If you are vague about your needs it becomes overwhelming for the other person to fulfil them and invites procrastination and denial. Don't tell him/her what you want, then refuse it, or question their sincerity as a kind of punishment when they offer. That merely keeps the resentment and bitterness going for no reason.
Avoiding Judgement
Finally, ask nicely, don't demand or make veiled threats. Demands merely ignore the other person's needs in preference to your own which does not help in the long run. Just because you are together does not give either party the right to any demands. People also prefer to act when they feel respected and valued, not when they are taken for granted and expected to deliver. In this way, you not only state how you feel and then get what you BOTH want, you will also avoid evaluation and judgement before discussion, while recognising that whenever anyone appears more attractive and engaging than our partners, something is likely to be missing at home, or in that person! Being indignant might give temporary relief while suppressing the problem, but being communicative, appreciative and enquiring is more likely to keep the relationship intact.
These four steps are the key to resolving any tricky situation. Even if there is a lot of anger and argument at first, coming back to these basic steps in the end, will empower both parties, and can only result in a win-win situation and reduce unnecessary resentment and blame between them.
The True Meaning of Respect
There is one thing we seek every day without fail in our lives and that is RESPECT because it is tied up with our self-esteem and feeling of value. We talk about it a lot, we yearn for it, we expect it automatically and we notice when we haven't been given it by others. But this word is not really understood by many people.
For example, respect is demonstrated by our actions, not our words. And when those actions are absent, especially at a trivial or simple level, there is also a distinct lack of respect. In every relationship respect goes hand-in-hand with love and commitment. You cannot love someone you don't respect or are not prepared to commit to, even for a short time. Otherwise you will resent the time spent with them, or spent doing things on their behalf, when you could be doing something else or be with someone else. Neither can you love someone you really do not trust. Once trust is gone, the feelings become superficial as the relationship shifts in terms of both emotion and power. You would no longer respect that person, tending to be suspicious of their actions instead of celebrating and enjoying their presence.
The Six Dimensions of Respect
Often a lack of respect comes from a misunderstanding of the word. We throw around the word 'respect' very glibly, as a single cure-all for our feelings. But respect is not just one term. It carries six other dimensions within it:
1. curiosity
2. attention
3. dialogue
4. sensitivity
5. empowerment
6. healing
If we are not really demonstrating those six concepts in various ways, with regards to the one we say we respect, we are not showing them much respect at all.
Curiosity
Respect starts with curiosity. We have an interest in that person. We want to know as much about them as possible, or at least a few key things to start with. In the dating process we engineer all kinds of opportunities to satisfy that curiosity and are often mortified when we get no response from our interest because are unable to fulfil our curiosity in any way and to give our attention. We feel frustrated, rejected and insignificant.
Attention
If curiosity is satisfied, we move to give that person our full attention. Indeed, our curiosity grows too, because that person begins to assume value in our eyes. The amount of value will depend on the way they satisfy our curiosity and attention. If the information we get is weak, unappealing or non-reinforcing, we lose interest rapidly, our attention wanes and we move towards another. However, if we perceive that the new interest aligns with us and matches us in major ways, excitement and interest both quicken. We then lavish even more attention on that person, going out of our way to attract their attention and interest.
Dialogue
Lots of attention inevitably leads to dialogue because that is the only way we can learn about our new interest. We communicate verbally as much as possible because we respect that person enough to want to hear what they have to say. We also take the greatest pleasure in conversing for its own sake. Hence much money will be spent on dates and phone calls, in particular. Where there is little respect, we are not in the least bit interested in that person and won't even talk to them. If there is also disrespect, for example, we made assumptions about them based upon their gender, colour, sexuality etc., we will go so far as to treat them negatively. We might have a dialogue at such times but it will express our anxieties, prejudices or anger, not our respect.
Sensitivity
This is at the core of respect. Accepting the person as they are without wanting to change them to suit us; fully acknowledging their values, culture, identity and who they want to be; valuing their contributions, opinions and inputs and genuinely listening to them and sharing their concerns. These are all essential elements of showing sensitivity to the person they are, and wish to be. When we put ourself and our needs first, and can only see our values, cultures and opinions, we are lacking great sensitivity to those we care for and are actually denying them respect, no matter what we say to the contrary.
Empowerment
Being curious about someone, giving our attention to, having a dialogue with, him or her, and being sensitive to their needs represent the greatest form of empowerment we can grant to another human being. It shows we value them greatly if we are willing to give them our attention and time, and also care about what they value. Anything else lacks respect. For example, if someone is trying to talk to you but you are busy playing on your computer, or talking to someone else on the phone, that shows little reciprocity for the respect they might be giving to you, or sensitivity to their presence and needs.
Healing
Respect has the capacity to heal, especially when we have had past experiences that have been very hurtful or traumatic, so this last dimension is important. When we have had a bad time it is very affirming to be respected and valued by the new person we are attracted to, or the people we interact with, and it is effective in speeding up the healing process. For example, if someone felt really inadequate because her man went off with a younger, more beautiful woman, a new lover in her life demonstrating how wonderful she is would give her much-needed respect and reinforcement. This would heal her pain even quicker than if she had to overcome it by herself. Respect heals because it affirms and reinforces who we are and wish to be. It also puts past hurt into perspective, or even negates it, and restores our confidence.
Respect and trust can never be taken for granted. They are attributes that have to be proven. They are also directly reciprocal to the behaviour of others. For example, when we feel that we have had no respect from other people we care about, it is likely that we have given them very little respect ourselves. Most of us are sensitive to when we are not being treated with respect and are then unable to give any in its absence.
If you feel disrespected, what are you doing in the process? There is always a connection. You are either accepting substandard behaviour in order to gain approval, allowing yourself to be treated like a doormat, or you are not treating someone well enough. Once you sort out the root cause, mutual respect and trust are usually assured.
Altogether these six dimensions add up to the powerful concept of respect. When we show another human being that respect, we add an even greater experience to their life and perspectives while we too are empowered by its effects.
Are Your Values Blocking Your Success?
With a change in my circumstances and recent problems in my life, I have been trying to define success and what it really means to each of us and I think I have worked out its foundations. I believe that the essence of our lives is our values - what matter to us the most and how they shape our world. Whether liberating or limiting, values affect everything we do.
Someone can live with a value that says: Disco dancing is not something any self-respecting person does! That's fine, but that preference ignores two important and beneficial facts about the pastime. First, that the more we exercise our bodies, the more we are relaxed by music and the healthier we are. Second, the more we take time out to simply enjoy ourselves and connect with other humans, the better we both look and feel.
Values come from our parents, to begin with, then from our peer groups and then through our workplace, from the people we routinely try to impress and, finally, from ourselves through increased awareness and knowledge. What a lot of people subconsciously deny is that they can actually change their values and thus change their lives, dramatically - almost in an instant; that values DO change as we become more aware and evolve in our lives, to match our aspirations and identity.
Every behaviour we express is done for either one of two reasons: to avoid pain or to get pleasure, according to our value system. So, if we are reluctant to change our values it is likely that we associate pain with them (the pain of disapproval, of isolation from a significant person/group, of punishment, of guilt, of disappointment or of confused identity, to name a few examples).
Values and Personal Perception
Values powerfully affect personal PERCEPTION which in turn decides our identity, beliefs, attitudes, behaviour, aspirations, purpose and the reaction from others. That's why fearful people with weak, inconsistent or superficial values tend to have no real purpose to their lives or any genuine success. It is difficult to achieve when we don't know what we want, when we prefer to blame others for our problems or are afraid to dream.
Perception is actually governed by two elements: CONFIDENCE and FEAR, the amount of each depending on personality and experience. For example, someone who is confident would be more assured in approach and more willing to experiment and move into the unknown; to give greater acknowledgement and value to others because they are likely to feel less threatened. However, someone whose perception is dominated by fear will be more anxious, perhaps developing a siege mentality, and likely to withdraw from most things in their lives. They would see everything as threatening, costly, painful or even alien to their values. They would seldom see gains, only losses. Most of their values would tend to be limiting, avoiding rather than approaching, which ultimately curtails their personal success.
Values also dictate five very important aspects of our perception:
a. Who am I?
b. What do I stand for?
c. Where am I going?
d. How much do I like myself?
e. How do I treat/relate to others?
During my lone marriage I was unsure of all of these elements of my life. If I had to rate each out of 5 at that time, the score would be as follows: 3,3,2,3,2 (total 13 out of 25). Today I would rate them: 5,5,5,5,4 (24)! You can see the leap in awareness, congruence and self-belief. That's how I know that the sky is now definitely my limit as I begin to use my knowledge and resources to fulfil the aim of those questions. Try that little exercise on yourself to see where you are now! The answer could be most enlightening.
The Effect of Congruence on Success
True SUCCESS comes when we have CONGRUENCE (or alignment) in our values and know the answers to the 5 elements above by heart. I could not be as successful as I hoped before now because I had too much incongruence and inconsistency in my life. For example, I wanted desperately to be loved by my husband but I still put up with a negative situation instead, thinking all the time things would change as I waited for him to act! Yet the key was really me taking action, not waiting for someone else to do so. I also wanted to be a successful entrepreneur through my talents, but way back as a teenager I made vows to give up material things and eschew money which has remained in my subconscious ever since. The result is that I paid little attention to the finance while focusing on the product! But the two needed to go together.
I also wanted to be creative to fulfil Items b and c, but I suppressed my creativity with my partner because he did not give my dreams or aspirations much relevance or encouragement. In fact, in my bid for approval, I accepted behaviour both in myself and others which went against my values and principles, as I tried vainly to live a 'decent' and caring life. But decency is not possible in an absence of respect. Nothing good can ever come out of incongruence and imbalance, especially when our values are constantly challenged. When we have to pretend regarding our basic needs, or to deny what we want to make us happy in order to please someone else or gain approval, we are going nowhere.
I feel as though I had to shed the old false skin of incongruity, to go to rock bottom on all fronts, especially in my marriage and business, which had lots of inconsistencies, to realise who I was and where I was going. The effect, this past few years, in particular, has been incredible. It's like being finally contented, at peace, knowledgeable and invincible.
Purpose and Meaning
Values give us both purpose and meaning. Success is thus elusive when we don't know exactly where we are heading in our life and what our purpose is. That is why many people achieve short term aims, like money or status, but still remain largely unhappy and unfulfilled. In fact, they might have great disappointment wondering if that was what it was all about. They mistakenly believe those things would provide happiness. But such transitory gains usually don't, unless they are part of the context of fulfilling an overall individual purpose at some point. Happiness comes from inside us, when we know who we are, what we stand for and where we are going; when we love ourself unconditionally and treat others with compassion, value and respect, if not love. When we actually make time for others and ourselves, the Universe delivers.
The Power of Values over Decisions
Basically, wherever we are frustrated in our achievement, there is usually a value blocking the way, because it is incompatible with what we actually seek or desire, or because we have too readily compromised it! We are not being true to ourselves which generates unnecessary mental conflict and anguish. For example, we might value one thing – like honesty – but secretly have affairs, or slag off our friends and colleagues, then wonder why there is no trust at home or we have few friends! If we are also stuck in an unfulfilling job which goes against our values and which puts a salary at the heart of everything, we will continue to be unhappy, low in self-esteem and to underachieve.
People who want to 'change the world' tend to be the least likely to do anything at all because they are too focused on the big picture and become overwhelmed by it, which makes them inactive. What they forget is that changing the world is a collective responsibility. While they are busy trying to change it singlehandedly everyone else would then have nothing to do, and might even sabotage their efforts through envy or jealousy!! However, if everyone simply looked after, or impacted on, their own environment in some small way, the whole world would gradually be impacted through an outwardly rippling effect, hopefully for the better.
Do you know what your values are? If you do, what should be the most important thing for you today? Not sure? Well, it is every single DECISION you are likely to make, no matter how small. But that's another article! As long as you are sure of your values and live through them, without undue compromise, your success is guaranteed. I hope your values are giving you both the confidence and the courage to make the right decisions. You could be most surprised by the results!
The Importance of Interpersonal Skills
A relative once confided rather gloomily that he had been to a party which was not very enjoyable because hardly anyone spoke to him. Lacking the necessary interpersonal skills, he clammed up like a frightened crab, hugged one section of the room and hoped someone else would make the first move. No one did and he was the loser. Being frightened of initiating contact themself, he was, of course, ignored.
Interpersonal skills are essential ingredients of good communication and social finesse, but they do not come naturally. They are strongly related to the way we were brought up (whether we were expected to be seen and not heard), our inner feelings about ourselves, our level of confidence and degree of interest in others. When such skills are missing in the home, group or office, it can lead to loneliness, frustration, non-cooperation and substandard service. Routine skills are required on three levels: personal, social and occupational. To have them well-developed means you can communicate verbally, physically and in writing with far more confidence and assurance.
For example, merely knowing how to use a phone is an indispensable personal tool. Often people dial a number without any idea of what they are going to say or how they should address the person at the other end. Instead, they become the victim of nervousness, they mumble incoherently and at length while they waste needless time in their search for information and their desire to be understood. On the other hand, some receptionists may rudely, or impatiently, respond to callers in a manner suggesting some surprise that anyone should ring their number to disturb their peace!
The Need for Social Skills
Good interpersonal skills assume even more importance on a social level. They are the invisible glue which binds relationships together. Without those skills, we would cause much pain and anguish for our friends and associates and unhappiness for ourselves. Advance skills reveal themselves through a readiness to share ideas and resources, to give credit where it is due, to offer constructive criticism, to enquire into a person's health or circumstance or even being the first one to say hello.
Shy people find it difficult to do most of these things because their own level of self appreciation is often so low they cannot project a favourable image of themselves or take any genuine interest in others. The focus is always on themselves as they seek approval without really having the courage to get what they want. Being pre-occupied with what strangers are going to think, or how they will be treated, shy people come to dread every interaction.
But if we find it uncomfortable to talk, meet people on their level or make constructive contributions, we are missing out on much of what helps us to hone those skills to perfection. Inevitably, they remain underused, underdeveloped and immature. My relative was afraid of talking to others first and, being equally self-conscious, they were afraid of taking the plunge too. RESULT: Unnecessary tension, needless fear and missed opportunities.
The third level of interpersonal skills is connected with our jobs. It is at work where they are in great demand, especially when a good deal of office politics arises from petty jealousy, lack of confidence and poor social skills. Like the personnel director of a large company whose secretary was the third one in a year and she was already half way through the door because of his boorishness. Being very good at his job, he probably believed his position made him indispensable and excused him from the 'trivia' of treating staff properly. However, his inept behaviour was a sure sign of weak interpersonal skills, common to those who neglect or derogate their staff. They are often 'too busy' to communicate, yet readily showing up to pronounce verdict the minute things go wrong.
Negative Interactions
This is because, at the negative end of the social skills continuum are people who constantly find fault first, no matter how good something is; who are often aggressive; who enjoy bullying others and even like to use violence to disguise their lack of confidence and low self-esteem. Chronically lacking in interpersonal skills, they use alternative methods of social interaction to push their way through the world. In this forceful manner, they use their physical size, intellect, narrow perspectives or controlling manner to impose their viewpoint on others and belittle their honest efforts. This might compensate for their own inadequacies but it keeps their interpersonal skills at a primitive level. There is not much room to manoeuvre if one is always right!
People who are regularly abusive and aggressive; who are constantly on guard and suspicious of others and who deliberately display an air of Ramboesque bravado, have built barriers around themselves to prevent exposing their vulnerability one crying out to be wanted and appreciated. They may have been hurt in the past or they have had little personal recognition so they go on the defensive, seeing slights and insults even where none is intended.
Often they find it difficult to reason orally because their verbal skills are limited and their actions dictated by habit rather than logic or context. For them, being aggressive breeds a 'toughness' they wish to display while hiding their acute fear and lack of esteem. However, the only guaranteed result is that such actions reduce their positive interactions even more, thereby diminishing their status as well as the regard and respect of others.
It is not difficult to appreciate that speaking clearly and concisely, making people feel welcome, being able to join in a discussion, appreciate a colleague openly or rationally argue a point of view, are all useful personal skills which enhance our competence and general appeal.
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Elaine specialises in answering questions relating to DIVERSITY, CAREERS, DATING, RELATIONSHIPS, CONFIDENCE and SELF-ESTEEM, AGEING.
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The True Value of Interacting With Others
Back in my other life of ignorance and low awareness, someone would pay me a compliment and I would feel terribly embarrassed about it; as though I did not deserve it. They might say how wonderful I looked in that smashing dress, etc. My only reply would be an awkward, lame "You mean this thing I'm wearing? It's ages old and not that great." Throwing their honest admiration back in their face.
Someone else might offer to do something for me but I was too 'independent' to accept. I wanted to keep that independence intact and, though I got real pleasure from doing things for others, I was either too great, or undeserving, to accept anything from anyone. My sense of independence and not wishing to be obliged, or be a 'burden', would stop their efforts in their tracks!
Someone else might just wish for my company, but I was too busy for them. They were not that important in the scheme of all the other occupational, social and domestic routine things that took priority. The result? I grew increasingly deficient in the joys of human interaction.
Ram Dass, the spiritual writer, describes human interaction as the 'greatest gift' between people. We are on this earth not to live sad, lonely lives of isolation, but to interact as kindred Souls in a spirit of reinforcement and encouragement. Nothing matters to us except trough another human being. Our love, our affection, our reinforcement, our promotion, our encouragement, our hugs, our victories are all achieved through others. So, the key to our emotional health and wellbeing lies in the interaction with others and the quality of it.
Without another human being, life as we know it is not possible. We would simply go insane without that essential interaction to affirm our existence and value. Yet we take people (especially loved ones, children, parents, relatives, friends) so much for granted in our exalted journey of life. Travelling alone and sad becomes more important to us than sharing the journey in greater happiness and fulfilment. People gradually come second place to every other inanimate priority in our lives.
Grateful Acceptance
But that compliment or affirmation should be returned calmly with a reciprocating compliment of acknowledgement and thanks. The act someone wishes to do for us should be accepted without a murmur and with thankfulness that someone really cares enough to want to do it. We do not have to prove our independence at all in any selfish way. By living our lives our own way, without dependence on anyone, we are already giving loud signals as to who we are and wish to be. Finding time to call, to chat, to arrange a visit for someone could be the last wonderful thing you do for them in their lifetime. We do not know how long we each have left, so every day should be lived as though it could be the last, to be savoured and shared. Finally, forgiving someone - or ourself - a negative action is crucial if we are to let the past go, to savour the moment and to anticipate all the other wonderful moments coming up in our journey of life.
All those actions are extremely important because every time we deny someone the opportunity to interact with us through a compliment, an action or forgiveness we negate their efforts to reach out to us, we belittle their humble offering, we diminish their admiration for us and we exclude them from the process of living to THEIR fulfillment. In short, we deny them the opportunity of feeling good about themselves through joyful positive actions and association with what is good within us.
Interaction is a gift between two human beings. They both feel special, valued and significant from the exchange. Don't withhold that compliment today, give it freely and joyously. You don't know what it could mean for that person. It could be like an oasis of water in a parched desert. Don't refuse that kind deed, welcome it warmly and reciprocate where possible. It helps to make someone else feel special, while giving us a warm glow of usefulness. Don't withhold that forgiveness. It shows your ability to be divine rather than just human, to move on rather than hang back in an emotional rut.
I feel very special sharing this with you today and I hope you feel special for receiving it. That's the essence of life - to share with love, and being enriched by it, while we each continue on our personal journey.
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