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1. TO RISK....by William Arthur Ward

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool,
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement,
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To live is to risk dying,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk failure.

BUT risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow,
But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live.
Chained by his servitude he is a slave who has forfeited all freedom.
Only a person who risks is FREE.
The pessimist complains about the wind;
The optimist expects it to change;
And the realist adjusts the sails.


2. "Never make someone your PRIORITY when to them you're only an option"... ANON
(See the article below!)

3. "Never allow yourself to be someone's something when you can be someone else's EVERYTHING!!" (ANON)

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4. "When you make your mark, you will always attract some envy. Those who envy you will see your glory without knowing your story. But if the grass looks greener on your side of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is much higher too!!" (Maya Angelou)

5. "KNOW YOUR PURPOSE. Purpose does not mean having a job. You can have a job and still be unfulfilled. A purpose is having a clear sense of who you are, not what you do. Above all, your purpose is not defined by what others think of you, but what you think of yourself." (Elaine Sihera)

6. "A PESSIMIST sees the difficulty in every opportunity;
an OPTIMIST sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
(Winston Churchill)

7. "The best things in life can never be kept. They must be given away:
A SMILE, a HUG, a KISS and LOVE."
(Tony Fiora)

8. "LOVE DOES NOT THRIVE IN NEGATIVITY. It has understanding, compassion and empathy at its core. If you live in a culture where the men address the women as 'hoes', 'bitches' and other derogatory terms, just remember a key important thing: RESPECT does not come out of negativity either. It comes out of self-love. People who use those terms to describe their womenfolk are demonstrating their own level of low self-esteem, lack of respect for themselves and disregard for their female relatives. (Elaine Sihera))

9. "Don't be limited by other people's limitations." (ANON)

10. "Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens." (Jimi Hendrix)

11. "Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Choose your words, for they become actions.
Understand your actions, for they become habits.
Study your habits, for they will become your character.
Develop your character, for it becomes your destiny."

(?Frank Outlaw)


AND FINALLY
12. We do not overcome evil by becoming evil ourselves! In that awful moment of madness we lose our self-respect and our integrity, falling from the moral high ground of justice to land with a thud on the same low level of injustice perpetrated by our oppressors. (Elaine Sihera)



Are You Just an OPTION For Someone Else,
Instead of Their PRIORITY?

 


The 12 Lessons in Life listed above are very important to me. Among them is the statement: Never make someone your priority when to them you're only an option.

Those words have ended up being the most popular search key words for the website, especially from North America! I am not sure why that is. However, my own instinct tells me that a few people have read the 12 Lessons, then cannot remember the website, but remembered those awesome words, and are passing them on to friends or colleagues, who are then trying to find them. They are very powerful words which should be heeded every day of our lives, coming as they do out of simple self-value.

In any relationship, we should be a priority, every time, not be an easy option that anyone can cast aside or ignore whenever he/she wishes. That is so debilitating and destructive. When we have little self-esteem, when we hold ourselves in low regard and when we lack self-respect we tend to put other people above us in needs and value.

We might be in a relationship where:
* the person won't commit;
* the boyfriend/girlfriend makes regular excuses for not being able to ring us or see us;
* we instinctively feel our loved one might be seeing someone else;
* partners deny us love and affection and take it elsewhere;
* we feel alone and neglected.

But do we do anything about it? Do we get out of there fast or clearly put our own needs on the table? Not at all. We continue to make excuses for our pain and frustrated hopes and expectations, and to make excuses for our partners. We suffer in silence, and martyrdom, while continually hoping for something else to happen, even when we feel deep down it won't be forthcoming, while becoming increasingly unattractive in the process through worry and stress.

Many people, especially women, sit and bear it, hoping daily that the person will change, that they will begin to treat them better. That they will eventually be No.1. Even when these women (and men) can clearly feel that they are a low option for their lovers or partners, that they come last in the diary, the schedule, the job, the scheme of things, they still hang in there taking the crumbs that fall off the table instead of being the main bread themselves. Such a situation, where the relationship is clearly imbalanced, is not good for either person.



Consequences of being an option
First of all, for the uncaring partner, such attention and acceptance feed their ego, reinforce unwanted behaviour, place them in a perceived higher status and encourage them to continue in the same vein of treatment both inside and outside the home. By being allowed to treat another person as dispensable they get to set the rules, to set the tone of the relationship, to set the degree of connection, and ultimately dictate the results, exactly in the manner they desire. Most importantly, it encourages them to take their partners for granted and to mainly please themselves. Theirs is not a partnership of reciprocity but a self-serving one which suits their intent and boosts their esteem. Why should they change it?

Second, for the person on the receiving end, it keeps them feeling anxious, low in esteem, impotent and inadequate. They are kept feeling trapped, not in an equal partnership, but one where they are relegated to second-best. It deprives them of other love, affection and attention they could be getting from someone else, it cements their perceived low-esteem in their own eyes and, worst of all, over time, it robs them of self-love and self-respect. Usually, such partners would say that they 'love' the other person who treats them as an option. But true love does not hurt, harm or neglect. It is the greatest force of empowerment in our lives. Once we love, the object of that love is a priority, truly, because that is all we care about: showing that lover just how much they mean to us. There is no place for options in that relationship. They become an indispensable part of us.

We only make people, who treat us badly, priorities in our lives when we have no self-love. We believe we do not deserve anything better because that person is the best we can get. We stay put, perhaps for convenience and full of fear, while dying inside from anxiety and neglect. Not realising that as long as we keep reinforcing the behaviour we do not like, keep reinforcing ourselves as dispensable options, keep hoping for better that never materialises, we will never become a priority for anyone, least of all, for ourselves.