Welcome!
12 Lessons in Life
Test Your Relationship-QUIZ
How Attraction Works
Are you really attracted? QUIZ
Love Matters!
Is there Real Chemistry? QUIZ
Common Female Problems
Are You Ready for Love? QUIZ
Common Male Problems
Love Match QUIZ
ASK ELAINE A QUESTION!
Tips For Finding a Soulmate
Dating Problems
New Relationship QUIZ
Dating Tips
Finding Mr/Miss RIGHT QUIZ
First Impressions QUIZ
Online Dating Issues
Online Dating Tips
The Happiness QUIZ
Meet ELAINE SIHERA
BOOK ELAINE for Your Event
DOWNLOAD Elaine's E-BOOKS
Settling Down Together
Test Yourself as a Partner! QUIZ
Marriage Matters
Sex  Matters
Relationships in Trouble
Relationship Tips
Dating the WRONG mate?-QUIZ
Problems for Couples
Improving Relationships
Cheating Danger QUIZ
Cheating and Betrayal
Coping After a Break-Up
Sponsorship & Promotion
Useful Self-Help Books
Today's HOT  News
Click for CHARITY
Great Web Links
e-mail me




What is Attraction and How Does it Work?

 


As random as attraction appears to be between people, there is nothing random about it at all. It works on a complex level with definite rules. Attraction is primarily about possessing the qualities to satisfy five crucial factors:



* To fulfil the needs of others;

* To make their experience more pleasurable;

* To increase their level of excitement;

* To enhance their feeling of significance and value;

* To excite their emotion

The more you can provide those core elements, the more attractive you will appear. Some people never seem attractive enough to others, remaining single for long periods, or they tend to have relationships which do not last very long because many people are pretty selfish and introspective, focusing primarily on themselves. Yet the essence of attraction is outward-looking. It is about fulfilling the needs of others, not just worrying about our own.

There are many different ways couples can experience attraction and when it works at key levels we often say that the couple is experiencing great 'chemistry', referring mainly to the physical part of the attraction.

Appearance and body shape tend to become the key barometers of attraction between two people. But, as important as physical attraction is in drawing potential mates together, finding that crucial chemistry is seldom based upon just looks. Where that is the case, the relationship is bound to fail, and soon afterwards too, because looks do not last forever. Being changeable, highly superficial and dictated by the ageing process, appearance is a poor stabilising force in keeping partners bonded together. That is why some insecure people move from one 'trophy' partner to another. All they see is the outward appearance the beauty, but not the brains or emotional hang-ups. Yet it takes other important personal qualities for the two people to be compatible. An absence of those qualities might be fine in the short term but usually spells long-term disaster.

In general, we tend to become attracted to others who:


* are associated with positive experiences;

* provide us with social approval and personal value;

* are warm and competent;

* are physically attractive;

* have appealing qualities that appear to outweigh their negative ones;

* are similar to us in values and interests.

For example, when I first saw the picture of the person I called the 'love of my life' (whom I met online), I didn't like it. I did wonder what I had let myself in for and whether I should meet him at all. However, I had been talking to him on the phone and loved his voice and, bearing in mind that pictures depend on mood, I decided to see him. When we met, though he was much better-looking than the picture, I decided he was not my type (famous last words!). Despite the fact that he immediately fancied me, I actually told him there and then that I didn't fancy him and was not expecting our meeting to lead anywhere! He just sat there looking at me in some kind of wonderment without saying much and then steered me towards having some lunch.

Over the meal, I got the chance to appreciate his personality as he relaxed a bit more. He suddenly began to reveal his humour and a wicked smile. We had two amazing years after that. Now I think it unbelievable I didn't fancy him on impact when we were so stuck together! I am also thankful he was confident enough to ignore my negative comment at the start. I think it was probably a defence mechanism to protect myself from any possible emotional angst, especially as I was feeling rather vulnerable after leaving my marriage.




How Chemistry Works in Attraction: The Four Key Elements

 


A friend of mine recently met someone she described as a 'wonderful' man. But though he was clearly smitten with her and wanted to progress their meeting, she said she didn't 'feel' anything and wondered if any light could be thrown on her situation. If he liked her so much, why was there no feeling of 'chemistry' on her part, she asked?

Lots has been written about that elusive chemistry that makes the balloons pop, the hearts stop and the pulses race between two people, but the actual nature of it has been hard to explain. It has been a subject that has exercised our thoughts, and bodies, for ages, and yet it could be as simple as four little words: attraction, comfort, value and excitement.

First we have to be ATTRACTED to someone before anything can happen. That's the basis of chemistry: to feel that natural pull towards someone that suggests they are making some kind of impact on us, though it is difficult to say what kind at the early stages. Real chemistry is sorted by the other three words because, in their absence, there really isn't anything there except for momentary curiosity.

Often we meet people for the first time and feel really good with them. We have a great rapport in conversation, we are animated in their company, and we enjoy the encounter (that's attraction), but something still appears to be missing. That is because we are only at the second stage of real chemistry: COMFORT. We feel at ease with the other person, we might actually enjoy their attention, but won't necessarily have them even as a friend. That's where it would stop if the other two elements are not in place.

If, however, we feel really good about the person, we believe that we really like them, and we could even see ourself with them, however there is no spark of excitement, that is because there is great VALUE between both parties, which is often misinterpreted for love. Value takes the form of respect, admiration, lots of attention. It is likely too, in this scenario, that one person likes the other more than is reciprocated. In these cases, where the spark is absent but there is much value, one is likely to find relationships based on companionship and security. It is also likely that one person will feel highly disillusioned when that spark is not there further down the line, especially if they hoped it would develop over time. This kind of connection emphasises a mutual feeling of security between the couple rather than love; or, in other mutually agreeable relationships, it could even be for convenience or expediency, especially if the two people are happy sharing each other's space.


The Sihera Relationship Guide©
is a FREE website for your information and enjoyment.
Please help it to continue.


Racing heartbeats
However, true chemistry between two people occurs only when there is a feeling of EXCITEMENT; a definite electrical spark that one physically feels for the other person; the excitement and physical charge necessary to actually fall in love. This is the stage where hearts race faster, as one gentleman said recently, he felt his 'spin-dryer whirring around furiously'. We wish to be near that person as much as possible, to touch them, to be in their presence, to communicate non-stop and simply to bask in the attention and great feeling that envelopes us at these moments.

Incidentally, when there is only excitement without value that is simply lust going nowhere, except for the possible benefit of one person. And when there is excitement without comfort or value it means that one person is being used without any real commitment from the other, and mainly for their benefit.

It seems that ATTRACTION, COMFORT, VALUE and EXCITEMENT lie at the heart of true chemistry; the secret of falling in love. Where a relationship isn't really going well it is because one or both parties are missing elements of that chemistry. For example, the comfort and value might be in place (representing a warm feeling of security) but the real spark to get it off on a high level is absent or has eroded. Hence why one or both persons will continue to feel that something is missing in the relationship and to keep hoping for something better. Sadly, when that spark is non-existent, when the opportunity for experiencing it arises outside the home, few people are able to resist it, which leads to the inevitable affairs.

Chemistry is a very powerful force between two people, designed by Nature to bring them together to keep the species intact, but it has very little to do with lust, as some people believe. It's strength depends on whether MUTUAL comfort and value are also in place and, above all, whether that mutual spark is ready to ignite! My friend who triggered my thoughts on the matter obviously felt much comfort in her admirer's presence, and much value for him too. However, they clearly differed in that, while he felt the spark of excitement (wanted to hold her, touch her and be with her at every opportunity), she hadn't felt that and had no inclination to touch him either. She valued him, yes; felt comfortable with him, yes, but she certainly didn't feel any attraction, neither did she wish to progress it with him except on a platonic level, and he wasn't interested in just friendship. He couldn't understand how she didn't feel like he did. A clear mismatch of real chemistry.

But that's the mystery of chemistry. It cannot be manufactured. It is simply there or it isn't. Most important, those four elements have to be there before one truly feels it.




Do Opposites Really Attract in Relationships?

 


In my opinion they don't. That's like an urban myth. We hear a lot of talk and anecdotes about how people who seem so opposite in every way find deep attraction. But what excites the parties is the superficial DIFFERENCE between them. However, something else is always operating between those couples at a deeper level to make the relationship work. Otherwise it would be a very frustrating partnership.

In 1968 I met a Sikh and married, to much opposition, across the racial and cultural divide. No one, least of all his parents who tried everything at the beginning to break us up, expected the marriage to last more than a couple years, at best. We went on for 34 years and when we parted, we still had very strong feelings for each other. At the end, though the love was there to a large extent, our direction and values had changed in what we sought in our lives. And that's the key to any relationship: one's VALUES.

No matter what is happening superficially, differences with looks, beauty, personality, activities etc, people will only connect if their basic values are in tandem. Real opposites represent conflict from the beginning because there would be little alignment in needs and objectives. This would keep the parties going in different directions. For example, it is unlikely that someone with criminal tendencies will have a successful relationship with someone who believes in honesty and integrity. There would be too much conflict in reconciling their values.

Most people who appear 'different' or 'opposite' actually share a similar way of looking at life, at the things they cherish and what they value. They just project that perspective in different ways. In fact, my ex-husband and I complemented each other so much in many ways because we believed in the same things when we met. We were both rebels in our communities; we both loved reggae and Bob Marley and we both had the same outlook on maintaining a home and children. Without realising it then, I also sought a kind of protector, and he wanted someone to protect. Bingo!

Of course, when I began to feel more independent and to value other things in life, like my own creativity and freedom to act in ways I enjoyed, the dynamics began to shift and our values started to differ, especially as he grew more conservative and possessive in taste. We, in fact, became opposites in our needs over such a long time and stopped connecting and communicating with each other. We hardly did anything together towards the end and just argued a lot in our futile bid to make each see the other's point of view.

So opposites do not attract in relationships. They might be outwardly different, which merely reflects their personality, but their individual perspectives and beliefs will mutually align to form that magical chemistry.




Do You Believe in Love at First Sight?

 


Yes, I do, and it certainly has worked for me. I set eyes on my ex husband at a civil event and knew that the attraction was mutual immediately I saw him with his friend and spoke to him. We lasted 34 years and were still in love by the finish, except that we had diverged so much in our values and expectations, we could not sustain the relationship on love alone because too much resentment and anger had crept in.

On another occasion, I knew I had fallen in love instantly with someone when our eyes met across a room, seeing him for the first time. It was amazing because it was so unexpected with him not being the type I would have expected to even be friendly with. That was before my marriage but circumstances just weren't right at the time to follow through. Thirty five years later he proposed, but I was a different person by then and wanted something new with my life.

Falling in love is really down to our beliefs. If we believe that anyone can engage us in an instant, because we are expressive enough to allow it to happen, it will always happen for us. If we are the cynical type who questions every potential relationship and are worried about its outcome, it won't get a chance to flourish because we will kill it with our negative expectations.

People who don't believe in falling in love at first sight are seldom likely to experience it for that very reason: they cannot have something positive materialising out of their negative beliefs, and fear of its consequences will keep such an experience from happening. Even if it got up and smacked them in the face, they would always attribute it to something else.

But love at first sight is magical when it works because, with its element of surprise, it carries with it the potential for something truly exciting and enjoyable.

So, do YOU believe in love at first sight?






What sparks your interest in someone and encourages you to want to get to know them better?

 


There is no one thing that sparks interest between two people because it all depends on what those people are looking for. So something that might spark one person might put off another. However, all attraction begins physically, i:e, there is normally something - whether eyes, mouth, smile, the way the person walks or talks - that attracts us to them. Once there is dialogue or communication of any kind, other elements come into play: like their personality, charm, charisma, intellect, generosity etc.

Finally, to really clinch the deal, we have to feel value, comfort and excitement with that person (that's the chemistry we all seek). Comfort makes us feel good and secure around them, value shows us that we matter to them and they are interested in us, and excitement quickens the pulse for any sexual or loving activity. If any of those three elements are missing, it is likely to result in just a friendship, one person perhaps using the other for their own benefit or the attraction would soon pass.

For me personally, if I like the way the person looks physically, then I am really drawn by their intellect. I like intelligent men, especially articulate ones who like to engage in discussions and who really show an interest in me, as I would be keen about them. Along with that, they must have a good sense of humour as I don't take myself too seriously and love to smile as often as I can. :o)






5 Key Elements That Attract Women to Men

 


There are five main elements that draw women to men and, depending on the primary needs of the individual woman, they usually go in the following order:

1. Looks and Physicality: Forget about noble ideals like being attracted to what's 'inside' a person. That is an excuse for accepting second best. We cannot see what is 'inside' until we are drawn to someone on the outside. If the person stood absolutely still, never moved a muscle or said a word, how is a woman to discover that man's personality and inner attributes? Except through the gateway of physical attraction. If she is drawn to what she SEES, she would be more interested in finding out what is hidden. So physicality is paramount. How he looks, moves, laughs and speaks, and, above all, the pull of his face; also whether he is slim or fat, short or tall - all those are essential for any woman to find a man appealing.

2. Being Valued and Wanted: Every woman wants to feel significant and desirable. When a woman is looking for a soulmate being valued for herself, and in her own right, is most important to her. To be wanted is one of the things women crave, to belong to a man without the competition of other women. Being valued has respect and appreciation at the heart of it and so any man who can make a woman feel respected and cared-for would seem very attractive and desirable.

3. Security and Protection: A few years ago before women gained more independence, this part of attraction would have been the top or second aspect. Men used to be the head of the household and were valued for that. These days, many women take a lot of pride in providing their own security and do not feel they need any kind of protection. However, they still find men who can make them feel secure and protected very attractive indeed. Security is often in the form of money, career, power or self-sufficiency, while protection comes in taking charge, being masterful or being willing to share domestic issues equally. When a woman feels secure and protected, in whatever way she desires it, the man is half-way to winning her heart, though this aspect is likely to be more emotional than physical.

4. The Best Mate for Procreation: Though a lot of people are choosing not to have children these days, most women are attracted to men because of the subconscious search for the 'right' partner to bear children with at some time in the future. This attribute is difficult to quantify or identify, but women know it when they see it and will only be drawn to men with the right 'chemistry' and 'appeal'. For most women, the choice has to 'feel' right, otherwise the attraction won't be there, an instinctive reaction many men don't understand or appreciate. Usually, finding the right mate is governed mainly by looks and obvious flawless genes.

5. Masculinity and Confidence: Quite simply, heterosexual women like men who act like men, no in-between. The more masculine, caring and appreciative they are, the more attractive the men will be, especially if they are confident in themselves and their actions and know what they want. This element also includes having a sense of humour. If a man can make a women laugh naturally, without it being forced, he's on to a winner. Such confidence is often a big draw for women because the other attributes mentioned are also implied in this one. A confident person is perceived to bring value, protection, great looks, fun and laughter and, should there be chemistry, would make a great mate.

What more would a gal want?





 How can you tell if a guy is sexually attracted to you?

 


It is not that difficult to tell whether a man is sexually attracted to you because he will only do certain things if he is smitten. There are also tons of subtle hints in his behaviour but there are seven main ones that give him away in the end. Even if two of them can be attributed to being polite towards you, the other five signals are unmistakable because they all follow each other in a regular pattern.

1. The first sign of being sexually attracted to you is the nature of his smile. It will be wide, welcoming, often and embracing. One soon knows whether that smile is merely being sociable or really for you. It will gush repeatedly and uncontrollably because you make him feel good and he wants to show it. Suddenly whatever you say will be funny and endearing and he will be very interested in you.

2. Next is eye contact. He will try to hold your gaze for long periods, as if he trying to fathom you out, to work out for himself whether you like him too. If you have beautiful eyes that captivate him anyway, he will want to look deep into them, to form some kind of bond through the visual connection. By staring at you for extended periods he is trying to give you a distinct message of his own feelings.

3. Soon after that there will be a gradual attempt to share your space, to be as near as you will allow him to be. Body contact is essential to sexual feelings hence why he will use any pretext to sidle up closer, to do something for you which would make your hands accidentally touch, and simply to please you, or to sit as close to you as he is allowed.

4. One of the surest signs of being sexually attracted is if he tries to take your hand at any point in the meeting, though it will done in gradual steps to test your resistance or acceptance. This soon follows after sitting near to you, being the natural next step in his eyes. Most men love to touch the minute they feel sexually inclined towards you. They will try to touch your hand lightly first, perhaps cover your hand with theirs at an opportune moment, mainly to see if you'll withdraw it, or actually take your hand in his. If you are proving elusive and his usual approach is having no success, he might actually ask you if he can hold your hand.

5. Throughout the date he is likely to be preening himself, like straightening his clothes, running his hands through his hair and mirroring your body movements to show you he likes you. He might even venture a few lighthearted inuendoes here and there to test your reaction. Otherwise he is likely to be mentioning his possessions, like cars, houses, business, etc., to impress you, hoping that you will see him in an eligible manner as the right suitor for you.

6. He might ask to actually kiss you, but this will depend on his level of confidence. Some men cannot contain their attraction and wish to get on with the action as soon as possible, especially if they can sense that you like them too. He is likely to tell you that he'd love to kiss you but it is mainly to see your reaction. It is also as a clear signal to you that he finds you very desirable and you should regard that as a great compliment. Most times he really doesn't expect to be kissed just then, as long as you acknowledge his desire and accept it. Then he will be certain that you are attracted to him too.

7. Finally, and the absolute giveaway, is an erection. This might be difficult to conceal if he gets up to buy the drinks or is wearing tighter pants, like jeans etc. When a guy is attracted and excited by a woman, that is always the clearest indicator.

If an erection isn't too obvious and you have missed the other signals, one can safely say that if a guy is totally, attentive to you, if he is clearly trying to impress you and wants to be as close to you as possible, he is definitely sexually attracted to you! It will then be up to you how you react.



Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket



Are you starting a new relationship? Four key questions to ask yourself while it is unfolding

 


There are four essential elements of chemistry: Attraction (physical, emotional, intellectual), Comfort, Value and Excitement.

Attraction is the easy bit because that is what draws the two people together in the first place! It could be physical, based purely on looks and personality, it could be an emotional connection, based on a strong bond, and/or it could be intellectual (based mainly on great conversations and shared interests). Comfort is the most telling part of chemistry because, no matter how attracted we are to another, if there is a nagging feeling regarding the things they are saying or doing, there will be gradual discomfort until it becomes unbearable and the friendship ceases.

A feeling of Value is extremely important too because unless one feels valued by the other person, feels as though they are really significant and appreciated by him/her, attraction will gradually wane. Finally, a feeling of Excitement is the fuel for Attraction and Value - the passion that drives them. Where that excitement is missing, it will take the attraction with it in due course simply because the minute someone outside the relationship makes us feel even more excited, that is the beginning of the end for what we already have.

Having that special chemistry in all its forms is essential to a new relationship, and the best way to test its strength is to ask yourself four questions, while your new relationship is getting off the ground. The answers to them will give you a clear indication of where you are both heading, if anywhere!

The four questions are:


1. Does he/she want an audience instead of a lover?
Some people are not really interested in long-term relationships so much as long-term friendships. There is a distinct difference between those two words. They are not really seeking someone to love but a genuine audience. Someone to constantly give them attention, especially to listen to their aspirations, dreams and crises. But it would be someone close that they can trust. And what is closer than a kind of lover who is there for them but is more of a sounding board for their feelings than any real connection? This question tests the Value aspect of chemistry to the greatest degree because the Value in this instance will be a superficial one, according to the level of attention and support that can be given and received. It won't be a Value based on intrinsic worth, but a Value of expedience and need; one that will recede as soon as the audience is no longer required or the need for attention is satisfied. This kind of relationship us easy to spot because one person will mainly be talking all the time and it won't be about their date or partner!!


2. Are YOU loving him, is she loving you, or are you BOTH loving each other in equal measure?
This is an even more important question. Who is loving whom? In the heady days of the relationship, when emotions and feelings are running high, it is very easy to miss the red flags when they are frantically waving at us. But, as a rule, if one person tends to be doing the hugging, the embracing, the loving and the warmth, that's a really doubtful start because it won't get any better. That other partner will simply continue to take rather than to give. They would be getting what they want - to be loved and wanted - without having to bother to give much love back. It is a very easy pattern to get into until the effects become all too real later on.

The absence of romance is the biggest tell-tale sign in any kind of loving. Is there any real romance between you? Any appreciation of what you do for him/her? Any regular affirmation of you as a person: your body, your talent, personality, humour, for example? Any attentive praise, reinforcement or surprises? Or is everything you are doing being lapped up with few returns? Worst of all, how is the sex? Is it without any loving foreplay, without any lead up in passion and excitement, or is it rough and ready, primarily based on need without any trimmings? And what happens afterwards? Does he/she immediately falls asleep or is more interested in themselves than you? Sex is always a dead giveaway in the strength of emotion, value and excitement between a couple. By the way, defining demonstrations of love in a mutually agreeable way from the very beginning is also important at this stage because some people like to be shown love physically: through things, like presents and possessions, while others prefer emotional demonstrations of affection, affirmation and reinforcement.


3. How sensitive is she/he to your needs?
This is such an essential question. If the person begins to take you for granted from day one, doesn't really think about your needs, only theirs, while you may be fussing about them, it would be downhill all the way! Sensitivity is at the heart of respect, and when someone is not sensitive to how you might feel (especially around the little things that matter to you), it means that you really do not feature in their world or their thoughts. They come first and that's all there is to it. Gradually, you become subservient to their needs, expectations and actions.

I have never forgotten a lovely man I went with for a couple of years in one major respect: his sensitivity to me which showed itself in a simple regular action. He had to go to work very early in the mornings which meant having to disturb me (I was often up late at night writing). Yet, he took to quietly dressing in another room then coming to hug me and kiss me goodbye when he was going, in the dark, even if I was awake. All that was not entirely necessary but his message was clear: he might have an important job and earned far more than me, but what I did was as important to him, and I needed my rest if I went to bed late, without being disturbed unnecessarily. It's such little thoughts and acts like that which bind a couple together and intensify the feelings between them.


4. Finally, does he/she want you as an integral part of their life, or just an appendage?
This is such a crucial question for you both, because it is at the heart of what is desired in a relationship. It addresses both the Comfort and the Excitement aspects of chemistry. If you wish for a long-term relationship, and he is not fully committed, or you appear to be just an add-on to his usual life, instead of you both changing in some way to adapt to the new situation, this is where the difference will surface in a major way. For example, it is most important to establish very early on whether he/she is seeking friends with benefits, or a genuine relationship between you. Otherwise, you will soon begin to feel used, or to feel superfluous to his/her needs, and it is not a comfortable feeling. Worst still, mismatched objectives, or convenience in behaviour, tend to rob the relationship of its passion, spontaneity and excitement, as it gradually becomes mechanical, predictable and soulless.

Asking yourself these simple questions, and recognising the signs as they appear will stem a lot of heartache later. At least they can be discussed frankly at this early stage, and, depending on the mutual reaction to any discussion, it should clear whether you are both starting a true relationship relating to both parties or one of mere convenience enjoyed mainly by one partner.

Try this quiz with the four questions now to see what answers you get!




The Mystery of Attraction

 


Attraction is not a random act. It is actually a definite process, but unpredictable and undisciplined. It means that chance meetings often become serious relationships while, in contrast, the most deliberate efforts to engineer a love match between two people can often be fruitless, undone by sheer bad luck, bad timing or bad vibes. Something about your situation can make some people seem attractive to you, while they repel you in another place, or others can simply make you cringe, hence the proliferation and short life of holiday romances!

A major handicap to interpersonal attraction thus relates to situational rather than personal factors. The further away someone is located, the less likely we are to be interested in them, and vice versa. Being closer to someone allows us to scrutinise their good points like their biceps at first hand! Proximity (or nearness) to someone else is thus the biggest determinant of their attraction. High proximity is associated with greater attraction, while extremely low proximity (having no contact at all) will allow little opportunity to get acquainted or to have any real intimacy, as in the case of Hollywood stars. We may drool over them with longing but we know that their distance and personal detachment preclude any real contact.

Geographical distance used to be a reliable predictor of whom we would marry, but since we are now a highly mobile society, leading very busy lives, functional distance' and finding the time to fit in a date are more important factors. Proximity is also important in determining friends because it enables people to discover common interests and exchange rewards. Internet dating is a great example. This has risen dramatically over the last few years with people being attracted to others they probably would not date, had they seen them physically first. The nearness and spontaneity of the Internet breaks artificial barriers easily and encourages much quicker interaction. However, with so many suitors available, dating has fallen prey to expediency, unrealistic expectations and quantity rather than quality.






 The Secret of The Chemistry Between Two People

 


Imagine you go out on a date. The guy or gal is charming, you get on like a house on fire, you want to see them again but you still feel that something is missing. You can't put your finger on it and you can't understand why you don't fancy them more than you do. You are naturally disappointed because you clearly like one another. Well, there's an important reason for that.

Everyone knows that for two individuals to be attracted to each other there has to be some kind of 'chemistry' between them, that elusive ingredient that allows relationships to form. Romantic chemistry is usually seen in a one-dimensional light, where one either experiences it, or one doesn't. But real chemistry isn't as flat and predictable as that. Real chemistry is more complex with a hidden secret.

The secret of chemistry between any couple is that it has TWO parts: physical and emotional. If you meet someone where you are physically attracted to them that's the easy part because most of the instant chemistry we feel on meeting someone is purely physical. The real element of chemistry that matters comes in the emotional bonding which is often not in evidence because we don't bond easily with strangers unless our values, aspirations and expectations align together. That is why when we meet someone where the chemistry is both physical and emotional we are blown away by the force of it. That's when we get the butterflies and hear the bells and whistles, when we want to sit on the phone with that person forever, to have their company as much as possible and to bask continuously in their aura.

Relationships that last months rather than years have the physical chemistry in abundance. Those that last a long time have the emotional chemistry too, either from the very beginning or built up over time. We might be attracted to someone physically but we cannot conjure up emotional chemistry unless it is there in some form at the outset. Often one person feels that emotion but the other person doesn't, which then causes a mismatch in behaviour between them. Some people also believe that chemistry is something that will gradually unfold between a couple but that is rare. Chemistry is electric and instant. It is either there or it isn't and when it is forced at the beginning that's how problems develop later on in the relationship because one person in the union is bound to be dissatisfied and will continue to secretly seek that chemistry elsewhere.

Chemistry is an elusive element in love but when it is in evidence it is truly awesome, especially in both forms!