Online dating is a relatively new phenomenon but it is now the leading method of finding a partner because of easy access, the number of users available and the personal control one has over it. Those who do not know or understand online dating needlessly fear it, while those who have had bad experiences from it are highly critical of it. But the kind of people for whom it has proven negative are likely to be the kind who would have had a bad experience terrestrially anyway. They carry their fears and unreasonable expectations on to it which then become self-fulfilling.

The best way to enjoy online dating is by being ourselves: exactly how we would behave if we went into a pub or club or attend an event to meet a date. The fact that the anonymity of the Internet is there shouldn't make any difference to our aims and experience because, if we are genuine, we are bound to meet someone at some time. So the best thing is to simply be ourselves, uphold our own standards and go for it. It could be quite an experience.

The PROs

1. The biggest advantage of online dating is its ACCESSIBILITY. The Internet is in the privacy of your own home and easily accessible within it. For women who dislike going anywhere on their own, this is an excellent advantage because, just from their computer, they can take control of whom they meet, talk with and eventually see.

2. It is very INEXPENSIVE compared to having to go to a club, concert or other event to find someone. There is little outlay or any kind of spending until an actual meeting, no matter how long it takes to find a date. The cost is always the same: the broadband/connection charges plus the fee for the actual dating site, and that is usually no more than $8 per month, maximum. One can actually try most sites without paying but would need to join to contact the members or reply to contacts.

3. The opportunity for finding a potential date is vast because of the VOLUME of people who use the Internet. The number of users on British websites alone now run to over 7 millions per year, let alone for bigger countries. So people who are running any kind of dating sites are certainly making some money! It also means a wider VARIETY of dates instead of the same kind of people one might meet in a particular venue. In fact, there are online dating sites to suit all kinds of needs and situations.

4. Internet dating sites are the SAFEST for adults. There has hardly been anything bad happening to anyone that has been connected to online dating. This is because dating sites tend to attract genuine people looking for some kind of relationship. They also have to pay by their credit card which means their personal details are revealed to the website owners as well as to the online payment centre (like Paypal or WorldPay).

5. It is much easier to COMMUNICATE with people because the anonymity helps to lose some of the shyness one might feel in approaching a stranger. With many sites having a chat facility it is very easy to strike up a dialogue with someone and interact with them online. For example, the most whirlwind interaction I have ever had with onlne dating was a guy whom I began to converse with in the chat at 3.50 pm one day. He said he didn't like using chat boxes so could he ring me, please. I thought, what the heck, and gave him my number. By 4 pm we were on the phone.

When I saw his picture I didn't think I would like him too much because he was larger in weight than I expected. Anyway, we spoke for over an hour on the phone then agreed to meet that evening at 8 pm for dinner. He was pretty keen! We got on so well, much to my surprise, we met again two days later, then the weekend following. The relationship lasted 5 months, one of the most loving I have ever had, in which he proposed to me within two weeks of meeting! He said I was his ideal woman. But, for a variety if reasons, he wasn't my ideal man and I reluctantly ended it. But this friendship showed the surprise the Universe can have in store for us when we just let go and not try to control everything or be too rigid in our expectations or actions. Always trust your instincts because they are likely to be right.

6. It does not take too long to find a MATCH. That can be done in a few minutes, a few hours, days or weeks, depending on how long the individuals wish to prolong the meeting process. Some people drag out the email and talking for too long (especially women) while some expect everyone to react the same way (especially men) and are disappointed when that doesn't happen. The time factor is one which is a main advantage of online dating. One can literally have a date for that day just by striking up a conversation with someone online and feeling good vibes with it.

The CONs

1. Because of the global appeal of online dating sites, all kinds of people will be available to you. This variety and anonymity lend itself well to attracting LIARS and PLAYERS. Sifting out the people who might be married, those in relationships already, or who are just after a one night stand or a fling from those who are truly genuine comes with experience. As I am very comfortable with online dating, I can tell within three lines of online text whether I wish to proceed with someone or not. A newcomer won't have that skill in dealing with potential players and so might end up getting hurt.

As a rule of thumb, expect five types of people to use online dating. The first type are the genuine ones who are seeking long-term relationships (about 45% of users). They tend to be cautious but are very sincere in their actions and are keen to get on with it. They are likely to want to know more about you and to treat you with respect. Second are the singles who are not after any kind of commitment (mainly people under 35), just friendship and occasional dating/sex (about 30%). Fearful in their lives, they prefer to keep things on a superficial basis and seem to be serial monogamists when it comes to dating due to the variety of people they can choose from. They tend to be ambiguous in their behaviour, depending on the person they are dealing with, to help them to decide how to play it. The third type are the definite players who treat dating websites like a candy shop, full of their favourite sweets (about 10%). They don't know which ones to choose so they enjoy going through the lot, often having a few at a time! This boosts their ego and makes them feel significant that they are able to attract so many people to them! Many pretend they are Casanovas and are ready to make your day! So it is almost like a game except that some real genuine, unsuspecting people get entangled in it.

The fourth type are those who are unhappy in their marriages/relationships and are just needing external gratification, someone on the side (12%). Some of them are honest about it and will say that in their profile. Many others deliberately deceive on this aspect because they know that if they revealed their true status many people would shy away from them. Their approach is usually mainly around sex or wanting love and affection without the commitment. Finally, are the people who have never used online dating, are confused by the process and the interactions and are not sure what they are (3%). They believe that they have to behave differently than usual and tend to be taken advantage of by those who know the ropes and are up to no good! They tend to have no information or photos on their profile and often find online dating frustrating.

The best advice to handle such a broad variety is to take time to talk to anyone who approaches you, to find out the kind of personality they are. You can usually tell within a few statements what that person is after because it will be revealed by what they focus on, the terms they use (whether sexual or routine), whether they are really interested in knowing about you or not, what they reveal about themselves, if anything, and how they cope with the interaction.

2. The ANONYMITY can be off-putting, especially for genuine users who believe others might not be playing fair. Like when people put false ages, false pictures or out of date photos, false information or are economical with the truth. There are also those who just wish to chat endlessly without progressing the interaction, perhaps because they have not been truthful about their situation or they have lots of conversations on the go with various 'friends'. All that tend to spoil the experience for many people.

3. The DIFFERENT AGENDAS can be confusing and waste a lot of time having to find out what that person's real objective is. One can never take a profile at face value because many users just copy words from other people's profiles, the ones they think will appeal the most to the readers they are trying to impress. That's why many men say they are 'easy going' or 'sporty' (when they are couch potatoes) and women say how they 'like to travel' and 'look good in a little black number', ready clichés they feel will appeal. As a rule, people who seem very individual in their words and firm and clear in what they are seeking tend to be the genuine bets.

4. Talking to someone online, and getting on fine is one thing, but that does not necessarily transfer into CHEMISTRY on meeting. May online dating experiences fall flat at this crucial stage when the two people meet and discover that they have a good rapport (the physical chemistry) but the emotional chemistry or bond needed to progress the friendship is not there. The enthusiasm then peters out as people become disappointed or disillusioned. Then they are likely to find fault with the process or each other when there is nothing wrong expect that they get on well in dialogue but there isn't enough there to take it further. That is why speaking on the phone at length first before meeting is always advisable.

5. Being online and anonymous, dating sites tend to be big on people of LOW CONFIDENCE and esteem, those who are 'shy' and perhaps find it difficult to meet people in other ways. That can make for some bad experiences, especially if they meet the less than genuine types who have questionable motives. As most people are not aware of the five types they are likely to meet anyway, there is the mistaken belief that everyone is after the same thing: a long term relationship/marriage, and nothing could be further from the truth!

6. SCAM SITES without any real people on them which are just set up to get your money! This is one of the worst aspects of online dating because they can be difficult to spot to the newcomer. The best thing to do is to find out which are the most popular dating sites, tried and tested, and stick to them. They do charge (apart from PlentyofFish which is completely free!) but at least you know what you're getting. If the site's members have not been online for a while, that's a scam. And if you are not allowed to search or see any details until you sign up, that's likely to be a scam too.

With all that in mind, the best way to enjoy online dating is to be yourself, be genuine in the same way you would wish to be treated and have certain standards and stick to them. You will draw similar types to you, other sincere people with the same aims, while easily recognising the players. In this way, online dating could be an enriching and enhancing experience.

There is a myth that Internet dating is primarily for weirdos, losers or frustrated housewives but when we are afraid of change, we endow it with demonic qualities. The Internet is likely to be the the ultimate dating vehicle of the future. Currently, it merely reflects the diversity of life in sharper relief. You will find the losers and sexists, the shy ones and the brash ones, mingling easily with the high flyers, hedonists and the social butterflies. The trick is to spot your required type as early as possible. Lots of successful people who don’t have time for trusting to ‘luck’ use Internet services (8 million in the UK, and counting, with Direct Dating leading the pack and Match.com for the international market). It is immediate, personal, intimate, and can be used in the privacy of one’s home without even moving an inch or anyone knowing at all what you are doing. Ideal for a vulnerable woman!

When I first registered after leaving my marriage, I was able to speak to some great professionals like me who shared my main aim fo finding a soulmate. I found nothing sinister or strange about it. But it was rather odd, at first, telling friends that my first lover and I met through an Internet dating site, especially to those who do not understand it. However, I reminded myself that the site is like any other dating agency. You pay your money, advertise what you seek, and wait for the hoped-for results which might take a long while to bear fruit. As a woman said, she thought that with the thousands of people to choose from on the Internet, she would have her kind of man ‘in no time’. Months later, she was still bemoaning the fact that he had not yet materialised. So, as anywhere else, contact really depends on the quality, not the quantity, of the potential suitors available.

The only downside I have found, and this affects mainly the men, are the unknown overseas players with questionable motives for seeking partners. As long as you give those a miss, and stick to home gals, most contacts work very well.

Trust Your Common Sense

The Internet is proving to be one of the safest places for adults to meet because so much time is spent on the introductions, it is not too difficult to spot someone who is telling porkies! The fact that people have to give their credit card and address details to Internet Service Providers also means that most people can be traced in case of any misdemeanour. As long as you are careful and trust your common sense about meeting any stranger, it should be fine. Always email or text first, asking as many questions as you can to gauge history, experience and aspirations, then speak on the phone before agreeing to meet, taking their number first, if you have any apprehension. Seeing a photo first is also a must, but do remember that it is one-dimensional and depends on one’s mood when it’s taken!

If you are not sure about a meeting, just say you'd like to think about it a bit longer and leave it at that. If the person seems too needy or they pressure you to meet against your instincts, then don't. You have to want to meet that person too for it to work. The great thing about Internet dating is that, by the time you meet, all the preliminaries will have been put in place leaving only the physical side to match, which gives a distinct edge over meeting someone in person from scratch.

Additionally, if you are not too impressed at the outset, they can be dismissed at the touch of a button!

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Last night someone wrote to ask me how I was doing on this website we were both on because he had decided to leave it. He was 'fed up' of trying to find 'needles in a haystack'. I don't think he took it very well when I wrote back to illustrate that the problem of his lack of success had very little to do with the website but a lot to do with his attitude towards it and expectation of it! Whereas we are more patient with people we might meet everyday, not expecting to find Mr/Ms Right immediately, with such a lot of 'potential' on the sites, some people translate that to mean 'definites' and then get disappointed when those definites don't materialise.

At the latest count, 8 million people in Britain currently use dating sites to find a partner and the number is even more massive across the continent, especially as there are far more American dating sites. A dating site is not an avoidable option anymore, it is actually becoming the major vehicle for selecting soulmates for people who do not have a wide variety of social activity, are not affiliated to specific clubs or religious organisations and, especially, for women who find it safe, convenient, private and accessible.

When I left my marriage and changed areas, lost most of the contacts we shared as a couple, it was almost like rebuilding one's life from scratch, especially in a block of flats where people tend to be more impersonal, detached and singular. The Internet gave me a window to the world and access to suitable men, while I virtually started to rebuild my life at the age of 54, without my children (who had taken sides), any relatives (who were all abroad) and many of the friends we shared. It could have been a pretty lonely and depressing time, as it is for many single people at that time of their lives. But it has been an amazing and self-affirming time for me, thanks to the Internet, and I have met some great professionals in the process, including one man to whom I dedicated two books!

In the eight years I have used the Internet off and on for dates, I have learned a tremendous amount which has gradually improved my confidence and knowledge of it and has helped me to avoid the pitfalls to which many more naive people are often subjected. First of all, the novelty of Internet dating has allowed people to treat others in an extraordinary manner instead of the usual way we would treat someone in the street. With seemingly so any people to choose from, many users seem to abandon all common sense and get into a situation of impossible expectations, where perfection is the key requirement. Of course, this is bound to lead to TONS of disappointment. However, there are five major reasons which prevent dating site users from truly enjoying the experience.

REASON 1 - Ageism

Look on any website and men, in particular, are likely to write off all women over 50. Yet, if they walked into a pub and fancied someone, they would never ask the person's age. They would simply accept it as they assume it to be, whatever it was! All that would matter to them is whether the person attracts them or not! Not so on the Internet. Ages are clearly demarcated in this search for the perfect person and, as everyone is likely to be fishing in the pool of 25-45 year olds (24% of the British population), compared to the 40% of over-50s in existence, there is bound to be lots of dashed expectations. The best thing in this regard is to put as wide a required age range as possible, or none at all. I do not have an upper limit, unless the person is truly old-fashioned and clearly unsuitable, but I don't date men younger than my son, and he's 38.

REASON 2 - Compromising Values

With Internet dating appearing like a virtual candy shop of delights, some people appear to take leave of their common sense! People might be more easily accessible, yes, but it doesn't make them any more available or suitable to us. For example, before I even begin to decide whether someone might be suitable for me, or not, even before the first hello, the following values have to be taken into account. They are paramount to me, listed in priority order:

- how intelligent/articulate he is
- whether he smokes
- whether he's married/in relationship
- ageist or racist
- emotional readiness for a relationship

- confidence and personality
- how much he drinks
- whether he's vegetarian
- His location/distance
- exactly what he is seeking compared to me

These are what I call my '10 point checklist'. Any of the top five observed and it is definitely a NO GO. They are non-negotiable. The last five could be compromised, but they would not be ignored. For example, my middle name is a communicator. I love both the printed and spoken word and adore learning for its own sake. I am more turned on sometimes by a great conversation after sex than the sex itself! It would be a disaster to link up with someone who cannot even string two words together, can't express themselves properly, hardly reads, has nothing to say or care little about self development. No matter how good he is otherwise, what on earth would we talk about?

I never compromise on those key aspects because they are clear warning signs of incompatibility before anything at all develops. Most people would ignore them, if the person is physically attractive (like accepting smokers when they themselves DON'T smoke) or have an agreeable personality. But it really won't work down the line. Soon those aspects will begin to gradually irritate or disappoint. Then the fault-finding begins.

REASON 3 - Unrealistic Expectations

Too many people treat the Internet like an online order store where one puts down precise requirements of the individual they want and, hey presto, they will materialise in a shopping basket and its out to the checkout! That might be fine for products. But humans are flawed beings. Unless we are prepared to accept someone as they are, though aligning with the main aspects we are seeking, we won't ever get what we want. Unless we can create the exact type of person from scratch, such flawless humans don't exist! Best to make a list of your chief values, prioritise the ones that are non-negotiable (as few as possible!) and then be prepared for compromise to get as near what you seek as possible. Many lonely people are compounding their loneliness even further through their desire for perfection which keeps them continually skirting around other users, with the vain hope of finding Mr/Ms Right, while never really engaging wholeheartedly or sincerely with anyone in case there is better round the corner!

REASON 4 - The Law of Attraction

Many Internet users do not realise that they don't attract the ideal they seek, they actually attract who they are! It means that if you are the playboy/playgirl type, or someone dishonest in your own details, secretive and fearful, that's precisely the type of person you will also attract. We all draw people like ourselves toward us. You simply have to BE the person you are seeking to get the ideal you desire. The Internet has worked for me because I do know what I am seeking; I live up to my own values; I do not demand one thing of others while living another; I am honest, sincere and non-judgemental, expressive and courteous most of the time, and that type of living to my values it brings similar people towards me. Hence why the Internet has worked for me, and in some spectacular ways too.

REASON 5- FEAR

Like all new innovations, the Internet comes with its own degree of fear. But, like anything else, it is a microcosm of the world we already inhabit. Yes, it lends itself well to anonymity, but, for people looking partners, they can't be anonymous for long! With the law of attraction, whatever we fear we get because that is all we attract. We fret and worry about the negatives so much, and the power of thoughts mean that's all we'll concentrate on, which brings it back to haunt us.

I cannot say I have had a bad experience on any dating site, apart from the odd rude person who obviously lacks the confidence or skills to interact adequately with others. I believe sincerely that I will meet great people, even if we are unmatched, and that's mostly what I have had, 99% of the time. In fact, statistically, for adults, the Internet is the safest place to meet someone, so I have absolutely no fears around it, so long as certain basic precautions are followed.

To the unsuspecting newcomer who is not used to a dating site, everything might seem simple and straightforward: just register and start looking for the ideal date. But nothing could be further from the truth. Dating sites can be very disappointing to the starry-eyed or the fearful, as each are likely to be used by unsuspecting others. The main thing to know about dating sites is that they contain all kinds of people, so one can never take someone purely on face value until there has been some interaction, neither should one be too quick to judge everyone negatively, especially if they wish to be judged sincerely themselves.

Dating sites seem to attract six main types of people, depending on the type of website and its particular aims:

First, are the sincere single ones who are genuinely looking for long term relationships, usually about 30% of all users. They tend to be honest, often divulging all their phone numbers to prove their sincerity, are genuinely interested in developing the friendship and are keen to date and often make the first approach.

Next come the married/attached types who are after a fling. Some of them reveal that they are married in their profiles while many operate covertly, either admitting it when you meet them or never at all until you find out. But the clues are always there in the pattern of their behaviour (they won't be in touch on a weekend for which they'll find many excuses; more likely to be able to see you only once per week; can't speak except during work hours and reveal only one phone number - their mobile).

Third, are the playboys/girls who believe they are in a candy shop and can't seem to choose what they want so they are on a serial cycle of dating. They will chat up everything in sight, mainly basking in the attention, but with little idea of commitment, especially if they are single and probably in mid-life. Dating them can be a frustrating experience as the fear of the future, or making the 'wrong' choice, or proving something to themselves or others, keeps them stuck where they are, always seeking something elusive but not quite sure what it is or what they really desire.

Fourth, are the ones who have no intention of meeting at all, who are perhaps living a lie about themselves and are happily confusing everyone else as to their true intentions. They will seem sincere, too, but they will spend ages emailing back and forth without ever suggesting a meet or moving to speak on the phone. Or, if they do suggest one, it is far in the future and they are likely to keep changing the date. It can be very frustrating trying to progress any friendship with this type, especially as they are intent on manipulating the situation to suit themselves.

Why Ignorance isn't Bliss

Fifth, are the newbies who are testing the dating sites. They tend to be blissfully ignorant about what is available and how to make best use of it, they are not sure what they want either, they are weak on social interaction and are often prey to those who know better (especially the playboys/girls and the scammers. Additionally, as people attract what they think and who they are, it means that they will mainly attract the type they are to them and not what they truly desire.

Finally are the international scammers who seem to plague dating sites looking for rich pickings. They take various forms but are usually from abroad, very young compared to the person they are targeting, and are interested in grooming their prey for either money or a passport. Some of the more reputable sites tend to keep the scammers at bay, but their hallmark is a cut and pasted profile with the words of others; poor English when they actually interact; a sad story about their lives, especially being widows/widower with young children, and wooing older people with a view to flattering them and getting money or other things from them.

Armed with all this knowledge, Internet dating is manageable, safe and convenient. Soon one gets used to recognising the different types from afar and dealing with them appropriately, or simply ignoring them. The main aim is to make sure your individual profile says exactly what you want it to say about you and not try to please everyone who might read it. In that way, you are likely to attract only the ones you are seeking and who also desire what you are offering.

It seems the safest and most comfortable sites are eHarmony.com (they deliberately deter married members); Encounters, Soulmates and Kindred Spirit (all UK 'broadsheet' sites which are part of their newspapers and tend to attract a certain professional kind of user). They have few scammers. Also Dating Direct which is supposed to have the most members in the UK and Europe (7 million). It is good for numbers but rather weak on quality. Two other notable ones are American Match.com which seems to have a good reputation of matchmaking and Canadian PlentyofFish run by millionaire Markus Frind from his home.

It is the ONLY completely FREE dating site, thus attracting millions, but attracting mainly the lower quality end of the market. I guess wherever anything is free people don't value it so much. However, it is very well run by its owner who is apparently the highest paid Google affiliate per month, a multimillionaire. No wonder the site is free!! There are also a few Senior dating sites, like SeniorSinglesand OverFifties Online. It is best to stick with those that have the reputation because there ate tons of sites that are cashing in on the dating market but with very little to offer and hardly any members either, yet posing as bonafide to catch your money.

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Go on any dating site, especially where Britons are, and it is as if they are all copying each other in a revolving fest of cliches that make you feel you have seen everyone by the time you have been through the first few profiles. They tend to be very predictable descriptions that become boring after a while because original thoughts tend to be thin on the ground! One wonders if there is anyone with an ounce of creativity on the site. Often meaningless and bland, these cliches detract from, rather than add anything to, the overall appeal.

The worst culprits seem to be the folllowing,

1. I am solvent

Not sure how many people are looking for things to sniff on a website but I wouldn't think there would be too many looking for solvents! Many people don't understand the word either, judging by the context they have used it in. But monetary matters should be left for when people have made contact. If the solvency of someone is all that potential date is interested in then that's a poor match from the beginning.

2. A wicked sense of humour:

What on earth is a 'wicked' sense of humour? One that's misbehaving? One that tempts the date to be really bad? How is it different from just plain old bog-standard humour one can get anywhere else? Is it the kind that bores one to death with forced jokes? Can it be seen playing up and being cheeky when other humour is behaving sedately? The mind truly boggles with this one.

3. Scrubs up well

What's with the British and 'scrubbing up'? How many people are seeking pots and pans when they go on to a dating site? Not many, I am sure. Yet there is this continual emphasis on dates scrubbing up well, as though they are usually greasy and dingy and need lots of scrubbing! There would be very few people who wouldn't dress well when the occasion calls for it, so what's with the constant scrubbing?

4. DVD and a bottle of red

This must be one of the most awful phrases being bandied about. There is nothing remotely romantic in someone telling you that they can't wait to sit in front of a TV with a 'dvd and a bottle of red'. Red what? Red polish? Red beans? Red rum? It has a low, common sound to it. Not something one would put at the top of one's list of most exciting dating moments!

5. Eclectic taste

If I hear that phrase one more time, I shall go spare! Someone obviously saw the word somewhere, thought they would copy it to sound posh and others have been copying it ever since. What's wrong with 'diverse' or 'varied' taste? Simple, easy to appreciate and even more effective.

6. Not desperate

I doubt if anyone seeking a date is ever really desperate. We all have some urgency in finding that special person as we don't want to be doing it forever. But it seems the low confident ones love to point out that they are not really in a hurry. Why do they need to do that? Could it be because they they have an inferiority complex about embarking on the search? Well, if they have to emphasise that point, then they are desperate, hence why they probably feel pretty self-conscious about it.

7. Little black dress/number

Where do we get these little black numbers from? Is there a specific shop where women with all kinds of odd shapes and sizes line up to try to force their varied frames into their tiny little black dresses to satisfy men's fantasies? What happened to being a unique person with one's own style and having that appreciated? It seems that's the standard issue of a 'sexy' woman: black dress and high heels to match. Heaven save us from these stereotypes!

8. Easy going and friendly

Gosh, phew, we can breathe again knowing we're in good hands! I can see everyone rushing to find someone who is NOT easy going and friendly. The problem with all these easy going people who feel that such a personality needs stressing is that they are likely to be really hard work when we do get to know them. Their former partners could probably add some comment on just how 'easy going' they are!

We can always get by on a dating site copying other people's words on our profile when we don't know what to say and when we think we will impress. But the most interesting profile anywhere is one that is from the heart, with the interests that matter to you and in your very own words. They give the best flavour of the person you truly are. Most of all, they will attract only the people who like what you say, saving you much time and effort, while appealing to the more genuine potential dates who are not seeking perfection.

Q. If your relationship/marriage was made online, there's a one in three chance that you will be sitting in front of a marriage counsellor, say experts. Psychiatrists have recorded an increase in the number of couples, who met in cyberspace, seeking counselling. Online profiles and personalities often mask the person's real identity, which, say experts, is the main reason for the breakdown of relationships. They say that people who interact over the Net normally have a very independent way of thinking and cannot, at times, shoulder the responsibilities that come with relationships. Your opinion?

A. There is no reason why online relationships should not last. Meeting someone online is just one other optional way of finding a partner: like going to the pub, to clubs, to church or wherever we feel comfortable to make ourselves visible. The reason why there is so much distrust around it is that, like anything new, until people really feel confident about it, until it has worked for them, and until they can see the benefits for themselves, they will always be sceptical. Then there is the fear factor that it might not work and something might go horribly wrong. But that is life: good and bad, pleasure annd pain, we have to accept it. Another thing is that people expect to immediately like everyone they meet on the Internet because of the ease of coming together. But liking a profile and picture does not mean liking the person in reality. That takes time to evolve and depends heavily on mutual chemistry

Personally, I have heard of many people finding happiness online and settling down and getting married. That does not surprise me because the only uncomfortable part about online dating are those first awkward moments before the couple actually meet. But once they meet and get to know each other, it is like any other form of dating. Nothing is different. Yes, people's identity and intentions are often masked, but those are the kind of people who would have been crap at a relationship anyway in person, and so the Internet comes in handy to carry on in the same vein and behave badly. Most people on the Net are 'normal' people, seeking happiness and friendship, hoping to meet others of similar motives. It can be painful for them when they meet someone who perhaps isn't that sincere. But, like everything else, we have to learn in life and soon one begins to know the time wasters and avoid them.

As a woman, I prefer the Internet for dating. I can do it from the privacy of my home without anyone else knowing my business; I don't even have to leave my study to go anywhere. It means I can control the type of person I actually meet; I do not have to hang out in bars or pubs as a single woman to seek anyone and, at the press of a button, I can either allow that person into my life or reject his attentions. I also take a while to get to know them on the phone before we meet. I never meet if it doesn't feel right, and will only have a second date if I am very happy and there's lots of chemistry, which hasn't happened a lot! In the process I have dated some great people and met someone I called the love of my life, with nearly three years of amazing bliss. Like anywhere else, the Internet is what we make of it. If we expect problems and negative behaviour, that is all we will attract to us. If we expect kindness and love, that is all we will attract too. I treat people with courtesy, honesty and firmness, wherever I am, whether on the Internet or in my home town. And guess what? They treat me exactly the same too.

As to having a one in three chance of failure, normal marriages in Britain now have a one in TWO chance, which is worse than the Internet rate! So the Internet cannot be blamed for anything once people meet. Often it is too many unrealistic expectations, a desire for perfection, taking a partner for granted and sheer selfishness that kill relationships.

So I have no complaints at all about online dating. It has certainly worked for me.

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