There are three main things that make a relationship work and everything else flows from them:

First is EXPECTATIONS. This is the most important aspect of any partnership. Expectations should be kept as low as possible so that they do not become unrealistic. The expectations we bring to a relationship can make or break it very quickly. Many people expect to change their partner in some way after they settle down, or they expect certain things to happen in an ideal way, or they expect to get their own way in most things without thinking of the other person's needs, or they judge their partners through their own narrow expectations. But those expectations only kill the relationship slowly as they are not likely to be fulfilled. If couples allow the relationship to unfold, and allow themselves to grow together without too many expectations of each other, that would be a great foundation for success.

Second is RESPECT, which is usually at the heart of love. If a person loves you they have to respect you. We cannot say we love without respect being the core of it. And when we say we respect someone, it is not just a single handy word. It has key dimensions to it. To respect a loved one means that we are curious about them, we are prepared to give them our attention, we wish to have dialogue with them, to be sensitive to their needs and to empower them through reinforcement and affirmation. If all that is not at the heart of respect, then we really have little love or respect for our partner. For example, we cannot say we respect someone, yet mindlessly betray them, or find fault with them all the time, or neglect their needs.

Finally there is RECIPROCITY. This big and important word has a very simple meaning: give and take. Relationships work best when there are two 100% GIVERS in it. Not one person giving and the other taking, or two takers just demanding from each other. Nothing works like that. When there are two givers prepared to think of each other, to put each other first, to praise and encourage each other, to affirm each other and are prepared to put themselves out for one another, it is magical. If you tell someone you love them, you praise them, you encourage them and you get nothing in return, that's a taker who is enjoying your generosity and love while ignoring your own needs. Reciprocity keeps people together through mutual giving and sharing in every sense of the word. That's what relationships are for: sharing. If one person keeps giving and the other taking, there is no sharing there, simply one user taking advantage of another giver.

If these three key elements are in a relationship, it stands a far better chance of working than anything else because the groundwork would have been laid for the couple to love, respect and appreciate each other in a sharing environment with few expectations, greater understanding and a whole lot of give and take between them.

There are some people who are workaholics of their own choosing, either because they genuinely like working, to stave off loneliness or to avoid being on their own too much, or they are workaholics by default because their jobs demand a lot of their time. Either way, being wedded to one's work tends to rob one of a social or romantic life and is not fair to the other dating party as they are often left on their own a lot. However, all is not lost. One can have a satisfactory relationship as a workaholic, if the following simple dating tips are followed.

1. Review your situation and identify the reality of it: Are you really a workaholic or do you just have some very busy times? Why are you a workaholic? Is it to fulfil your ambitions or just to avoid being alone?  If you genuinely like being a workaholic, for example, that's your personality and you should not make excuses for it. However, if you also desire dating of some kind, some form of compromise will be inevitable. Once you have established the true nature of your situation then you can be honest about it to a potential partner by laying the ground rules of what they can expect, overall. That is not to say you won't make some effort to change things in the other party's favour, but at least they will be aware of the limitations.

2. Establish your values and priorities:  If you are not living to your values or setting the priorities that matter you will always feel overwhelmed and frustrated. For example, if you say that your family or spouse is very valuable to you, yet you do not make any time to be with them, how is that matching up to your family values? How does that square up with what matters in your life? Decide what is important to you, put them in simple categories and make sure that each category is fulfilled in some way, at least once per week, by your actual actions. If dating and having a relationship are important, then at least one special day and one evening per week should be scheduled for activities relating to them in order to achieve your goals in this sphere and to have variety and enjoyment in life.

3. Schedule immovable dates during work times for relaxing: Or at least one special date each week with your romantic interest, which never changes. By earmarking at least one occasion for seeing your date, and sticking to it regularly, you will gradually get into the habit of taking some time for yourself while showing the other person the appreciation they deserve. It can also be something for you to look forward to while it demonstrates to the other person that they are a priority in your life too.

4. Give your date undivided attention: When you are with your date, for that specially scheduled meeting, focus all attention on him or her. Switch off all phones and actually take the time to get to know that person, to learn about their activities, to affirm and reinforce them, and, above all, to enjoy their company. It is quality that matters in any relationship and if your date really feels the time spent is quality time together, though it might not be as often as they would like, it might cement their commitment and improve their understanding of your situation.

5. Regular contacts: If you cannot meet the person regularly, try communicating by other means as often as possible, especially by email, text or phone. Just a brief sporadic text or email with a loving message, enquiring how your date is doing and telling them you're thinking of them, can make a huge difference. A phone call, to hear each other's voices and share an intimate moment can also be most uplifting. It really doesn't take more than a few minutes in a day to send a couple of messages, in whatever form, but their power to make someone's day or remind them how special they are, can be amazing.

6. Online dating: If any kind of personal contact, or opportunity for meeting, is a real problem perhaps online dating might be more suitable for you. That would involve more email contact initially but some some people are not interested in meeting up, anyway, so that could work in your favour. It means if you fall into that category, you can have an ongoing relationship without having to feel pressured to meet. Online contact is likely to be flexible enough for you to put it seamlessly into your work pattern without too much angst. When you wish to develop it further, or take it on another level, you would also be able to decide the best way you can do that.

Dating any workaholic requires a huge amount of honesty and negotiation between both parties: honesty with one's self and about personal needs. One also has to be prepared to negotiate while being mindful that times change, needs change and situations change. What might be difficult at the start of a relationship might iron out itself a few months down the line when circumstances dictate it. As long as both parties are flexible, honest and genuinely care about each other, they will find it easier to work sensitively together for mutual satisfaction.

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Most people who cheat do so because of low self-esteem. It is likely to be something they have acquired during the relationship. Very few people cheat if the relationship at home is satisfying. Whenever anyone cheats it is often a sign that something fundamental is missing with the partner which they then go out to seek. Often it is based around any of five elements in the partnership, which are often difficult to spot, yet can wreak lethal havoc.

The main reason people cheat is due to a lack of value and respect. They genuinely believe they are not valued at home, for whatever reason. In fact, when cheaters don't love themselves very much, they often transfer that lack of self love to their spouse, believing the spouses do not care enough about them either. Hence why one person might love another greatly, but the partner still cheats because they find it hard to accept that love unconditionally. Everyone wishes to be significant and valued. When they feel as though they are taken for granted, are being used for convenience or have little value to their spouse, they are likely to find that value with someone else!

The second reason is often a lack of love and affection. Wherever there is a lot of resentment in a relationship, it is likely that love and affection is being withheld by one or both parties. Soon there is a feeling of neglect, especially when sex has lessened or ceased too, which makes the partners more prone to seek that love and affirmation somewhere else. The worst thing between a couple is for one of the parties to feel lonely. It is very bad because it limits the choice a partner has in order to feel valued and wanted. If one is single, one can always go on a date etc. But if one lives with a partner, yet feels lonely, that's the worst condition to be in. It does affect one's self esteem, badly, because one then feels unwanted, yet unable to do anything about it.

A very important part of being with someone is the need for validation and attention. If the closest person to you does not validate you, does not confirm what you mean to them, does not reinforce who you are and wish to be, it can precipitate a feeling of being abandoned and uncared for. Most cheaters do not feel validated or affirmed, neither do they get much attention. They often feel neglected, especially if there is also a lack of love and affection, and there will seldom be any real conversation either, mainly accusations and blame. Once we are not validated by those who matter, we lose our feeling of significance which then precipitates an overriding feeling to seek it elsewhere.

When any of the three key elements mentioned above are missing, self esteem goes into freefall and the person is likely to feel a failure. Gradually, it has a knock-on effect on everything that person does, especially their job, because they are constantly unhappy, anxious and stressed. It is difficult to feel good about one's self when there is so much missing from one's life. Sooner or later, the cheater will be seeking to replace them through someone else.

Finally, there is often a loss of personal confidence which then has a domino effect on everything else. One cannot have good confidence with low self esteem. Hence why many cheaters often suffer in silence for a while, feeling low and hurt, until they feel compelled to do something about it in order to boost their confidence and improve their esteem.

There are many relationships where partners have settled into a rut, taking their spouses for granted, living in resentment and hurt, withholding affirmation and attention, value and respect. Those are the kinds of relationship that are most vulnerable because living with someone else should enhance our happiness, not make us feel worse. Otherwise that's totally counter productive to what a relationship should be about and so, not surprisingly, they eventually hit the buffers.

When children arrive, they can be very demanding in a family and usually it's the fathers who are squeezed out of the attention while mothers are often tired and overwhelmed. Most important, privacy between the couple is lost as they are no longer free to love each other at any time they wish and do what comes naturally. The sober point to remember is that the children will be leaving one day to live their own lives, with their own partners, while Mom and dad will be left to continue their lives together. 

It is thus important to keep that love fire burning solidly so that there is a loving atmosphere for the family and fewer surprises when the children leave home. Worse still, in 65% of divorces, the parties have children under 11. It is thus imperative for parents to find ways for romance while the children are there in order to enjoy their time together and keep their relationship intact.

There are 10 great ways to keep romance alive after the children come on the scene.

1. Share the chores: If both parents can do the chores it means more time for the homemaker or the parent who looks after the children most. It means that carer won't be too tired every day and there will be much more time for each other.

2. Snatch as many hugs and cuddles as you can, even in front of the children. When you hug and embrace in front of  children you give a powerful message about love in the family and its place in it. Make it a point of taking a few seconds to reconnect together at the end of a work day; to be close together and just appreciate each other's presence. This can often be done when the children are engrossed in TV, they are playing or asleep. But each day should have some hugs in it which could very well lead to other things.

3. Communicate via email or text if there is no chance to communicate in person. Send little loving messages when you can, and as often as possible. When a partner is at the computer, it is an excellent time to use any excuse to rub their back, hug them tightly or just stand close to them and exchange meaningful looks while they are working.

4. Take a shower together. Not only is this very sexy and erotic but it gives you both the chance to enjoy each other's bodies and to have some privacy for a fleeting moment when the children are absorbed in whatever they are doing, or they are asleep. A shower offers excellent opportunity for using one's initiative while getting up close and personal!

5. Have a candle-lit meal together, especially when you can't get a sitter or the children are in bed. It's the most romantic time just focusing on each other while you enjoy some quality time without being disturbed. It is hardest finding time when there are teens around but with some ingenuity, a lot of things are possible.

6. If children are at school, take some time out during an afternoon to have a leisurely lunch and perhaps see a movie or return home for some lovemaking. No household chore is more important than your partnership so use any time like this to reconnect together in the most enjoyable ways possible.

7. Try to go to bed at the same time together. It not only gives some time to talk and communicate with each other, especially about your day, but it also provides more opportunity to relax together and be more loving.

8. Try to have spontaneous sex anywhere in the house, not just in the usual bedroom. It gives a risque feeling of excitement, it stops one's sex life from becoming too boring and routine and it makes use of special moment available to affirm your love and your value for each other.

9. If you are feeling detached from one another, light a single candle in the bedroom with the understanding that whenever it is lit by either of you, it is really time to do something together. It will be a reminder that you both need to make time for each other before you are swallowed up in the minutiae of living.

10. Try to look after yourself and keep yourself in good shape. It is easy to let one's self go after the children come on the scene but by keeping yourself looking smart and attractive you will always keep the attention of your partner on you. Just making the effort on special occasions is better than not trying at all.

When we love someone and we feel they might not love us as much, that they are attracted to someone else, or they seem distant and detached from us, it can lead to many anxieties as to how to keep the love intact. It is natural to wonder why a guy might be behaving that way and whether you might lose him. But the first thing to do is to understand why you feel like that and then take any remedial steps you believe might apply in your specific case, because every situation is likely to be different.

To begin with, the fear of losing someone, especially when it is very strong, comes out of a lack of self love. This makes us terribly insecure and fearful. Many people do not really love themselves and expect partners to love them instead to compensate for that lack of love. They tend to be clingy, anxious and worried in case they are not loved anymore because losing the person who loves them would be hard to bear. The object of their love thus becomes the centre of attention, the focus point of their life which can make it hard for that partner to live up to expectations. That kind of imbalance is what often drives guys away because they tend to find the intense attention hard to deal with and take their attention outside. Understanding that fear will help to put other things in perspective, like what you could do in the situation.

1. The first action you could take is to start valuing yourself. Get rid of the fear and start to live your life in a way that, if your guy goes, it is not the end of the world. Ask yourself what is the worst that could happen if he goes, then face this scenario in your head. What would you do, exactly? By facing the possibility and making contingencies for it, you will find the prospect easier to deal with, even if it doesn't happen. This is important to do because if a guy wants to leave, for whatever reason, nothing will stop him. There is really nothing you can do about it, especially if he has found someone else. By getting detached from that fear, you also loosen his power over you. Deciding on options in your head that you would have available, should he leave, empowers you to deal with the prospect without too much pain. 

2. Next, communicate as much as possible. Often relationships begin to fracture because people grow apart, they take each other for granted, or partners have changed in their ambitions and aspirations; they have been too busy to reinforce and affirm each other or they have just not listened to one another. Talking and listening are essential if you sense something is wrong. If you find out what the problem could be, there might be a chance of saving the situation. However, ironically, this is the time when people dread talking together because they also fear what they might hear, or they fear upsetting the other party, so they are likely to clam up instead.

3. Third, take the focus off your guy and place it on yourself. The more anxious and worried you are is the more unattractive you become. How do you physically look? Are you as attractive as you used to be, or have you let yourelf go? This is the time for a makeover, perhaps; for doing things differently; for getting back to what you both used to be before things became too routine. Time to overcome your fear and anxieties by socialising more, widening your circle of friends and activities, especially taking up new hobbies, and becoming much more self-loving and independent. People who have their own life, who are also a little detached in their relationships and who give enough space to each other to develop and grow, tend to keep their love alive in a more effective way. The best way to keep your man is to show that you desire that person, you love him being in your life but you don't 'need' him; that you will still be functioning at full capacity if he weren't there. That's a very important point to note. 

4. Finally, people leave relationships when they are not happy and mainly because they do not feel valued or affirmed. If that is the case, both parties need to begin to appreciate each other, to be expressive, caring, loving and affectionate; to show mutual value and respect. That is not always easy to do, especially if things have been allowed to slide into a rut.   

When we truly love we love without conditions. We then acknowledge that we come first, and the love starts within us, not outside of us. If we don't love, respect and value ourselves, it is difficult for others to love us too. Relationships are meant to aid our development along our journey, and not necessarily to last a lifetime. If the person goes, we will still be wonderful, still be desirable and still be valued. All we have to do is to learn the lesson and move on. 

Finally, if the attraction is gone there is really nothing you can do about it. The most important thing to remember, should he go, especially if you have done all you can to encourage him to stay, don't forget that there is likely to be someone even better waiting for you, if you care to look ahead instead of looking back in regret.

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Relationships often go stale and dull when couples settle into complacency. Often the burden of keeping a home and looking after children, who demand constant attention, can rob the partnership of its freshness, vibrancy and excitement. In Britain at least 30% of recent divorces involve children under 5! That's a very sad statistic mainly because parents are not aware of how to blend a new child with their romance. They focus almost exclusively on the newborn (women mainly) while unintentionally excluding themselves. Soon enough, romance is killed or put on hold, one parent (mainly men) begins to feel resentful at the lack of attention and might look outside for comfort. Separation or divorce is not far off!  So children can destroy relationships, if parents aren't careful.  

However, the main problem with many relationships is that couples soon begin to take each other for granted. They stop affirming and reinforcing each other and start being mean and critical instead. They gradually lose all the things they did when they were courting because they feel more secure with the partner in the bag. They don't celebrate their partners anymore and, inevitably, things go down the drain.  

The following suggestions to rekindle romance should be of some value.

1. Tell each other 'I love you' as often as possible.  It is the greatest compliment to tell a partner how we honestly feel, but some people do not believe in expressing genuine feelings to their loved ones. Many believe it is 'unnatural' or they could be 'overdoing' it. Yet there is no law against having positive feelings and telling someone about them every moment of the day. The most loving things are done spontaneously and as often as we feel the need to do them, not according to particular schedules. It could also be the last thing they hear from you!

2. Praise and appreciate each other. As relationships last longer, appreciation tends to gradually decline. We begin to become meanspirited with praise and gratitude, because we come to see every action as automatic. Yet praising someone's efforts, no matter how small, helps to REINFORCE them, to value them and leaves little room for neglect.

3. Leave little love notes around the home for him/her in unexpected places. There is nothing more endearing than loving surprises, especially when one least expects them. Leaving little messages of love, sending spontaneous texts, or just taking time out of a busy day to call to say 'I'm thinking of you' would really make that person feel special.

4. Establish routines for young children:  Put them to bed at a set time each day. That should allow you both time together when they are in bed. Try not to take them with you to 'adult' gatherings. That should give you more time to enjoy each other's company, especially with other adults. Most important, try to go out at least twice each month (wining, dining, cinema, concert, dancing etc). These allow you both quality time together doing something lighthearted, while giving you time away from the children.

5. Walk hand in hand when outdoors. Whatever you are doing, do it lovingly, especially walking together. Hug, hold hands, kiss his face now and then, kiss her hand, demonstrate that love to the world. Walking hand in hand gives a wonderful feeling of belonging, togetherness and joy. It encourages closeness while communicating or enjoying activities together. Moreover, on a practical level, regular walking keeps the weight down and encourages a more healthier lifestyle. 

6. Highlight the difference you've made to each other. This is a very important aspect, to AFFIRM someone and to let them know, constantly, how their presence has changed your life. We become different people the minute we meet someone because we are happier, more joyful, more purposeful and far more loving. When things go sour, we tend to forget those early magical moments. But being with someone new, who really gives us butterflies and adds meaning to our existence, is always a life enhancing experience.

7. Spend a whole weekend in bed making love, chatting and affirming. Having a healthy sex life is crucial to communication, to keeping the relationship vibrant and partners together. Yet this is the part that really gets thrown by the wayside, especially when kids are on the scene. Forget the chores and everything else. Book a room in a hotel, if possible, and allow yourselves to be pampered. This would be a poignant reminder of why you came together in the first place: to love each other, not just to have a family or keep a house. 

Courting shouldn't stop when the two people marry or settle together. That is the time the real courtship should begin to keep that romance fire burning brightly for a long time to come.

Broken hearts are mainly caused by unfulfilment of our expectations coupled with low self-esteem. Often we think so low of ourself, we put our whole life in the hands of one person to get 'happiness' and then when that happiness is withdrawn, the pain of losing it is too much to bear. We meet someone, we like them a lot, we come to trust them and believe in them, then start to weave our dreams around them and build our life around them too. When they fail to conform to those expectations, we are often devastated.

It is natural to feel some loss when a relationship breaks up. But any break that causes us to feel really badly and lasts for too long is self-inflicted. If we really love and value ourselves, everything in life - whether happiness or heartache - then becomes part of our natural routine. Not extraordinary, because life has two natural sides: good and bad, up and down, birth and death. We can't have one without the other.

To mend a broken heart has five stages:

First, take time out for you, while you slowly detach yourself from your lover. Often the hurt is prolonged because you still keep yourself in their orbit. Do NOT continue to be 'friends' until the hurt stops and you feel better. Make a complete detachment otherwise you wil be constantly reminded of the situation, especially at the early vulnerable stage when the pain is worst.

Second, accept responsibility for your part in the break-up. Nothing is ever one-sided and when we are hurting and blaming the other person it merely prolongs the pain. By acknowledging and addressing your part in the process, the grievance will be lessened even quicker because you won't just be simply judging your mate on his/her actions, you will be addressing the partnership that is involved in any relationship. You will wish to show understanding and compassion too which speeds up the healing process for yourself. The minute you put bitterness, resentment and anger above forgiveness or compassion is the minute your prolong your pain and agony because all you will be thinking about during that time are negative things which will only make you feel more inadequate and crappy.

Speeding up the Healing Process

Third, reinforce your self-love because you will feel unwanted and undesirable at this time. It is easy after a heartbreak to believe that no one will want you anymore, that you are no longer attractive and you will not fnd another relationship like that. But to love and be loved, you have to love yourself first. You cannot give away love if you have none for yourself. Nurturing your self-love is crucial to mending a broken heart quickly because you will chalk it up to experience. It also takes the focus off partners and puts it squarely on yourself. That tends to speed up the healing process and re-affirm your esteem and worthiness.

Fourth, accept the situation as a natural part of the pleasure/pain cycle of life, important for teaching us lessons we need later on to live our life satisfactorily and to build our resilience. You can then begin the forgiveness process. Life consists of both pain and love, manifested through death and rebirth, being two sides of the same coin. We cannot have one without the other other. The love is there to nourish and sustain us while the pain helps us to develop our experiences and to face our challenges with resilience and new knowledge. If you seek to be vengeful or to vilify lovers in any way, you drag the hurt and pain around for years, like a smelling carcass, while you are stuck back then in the past. Nothing comes from being bitter after a relationship. It is best to learn the lessons they give and move on briskly, knowing that there is likely to be someone even better and more deserving of you in the near future.

Fifth, remind yourself daily of your appeal and value and do not judge the rest of your existence by one occasion. Moving on is most important. Just because someone is not keen on you does not mean your value is any less in everyone else's eyes. In fact, that is the time to bid that person a firm goodbye and loudly say "NEXT!". Your life is a journey, made up of numerous experiences, not based on one event. There is ALWAYS a good reason behind why someone isn't right for you. It's just that you cannot see it at the time. Use rejection as a lesson in finding the right people for you and move on to a more fulfilling experience. If you really love yourself, you won't give a damn about another person's actions. You will be thankful for the moment, look ahead positively and move on without living in regrets or in the past - and feeling much better for it too.

Everyone in the world mistakenly believes they are seeing the same reality. In one sense, reality is a static situation but how it appears to us will depend on what we read into it, and that is decided by our individual perception. With perception being a powerful invisible force in human relationships, learning how we each perceive a situation can help to improve understanding, respect and individual communication skills.

For example, what do you currently assume or take for granted in your relationship?
Do you accept widely held stereotypes and do you base expectations of your family on them?
Can you see your child, parent or spouse as a person in his or her own right rather than just as 'a selfish man' , 'a stupid woman' or a member of the 'younger' or 'older' generation?

Most important, do you really listen when you meet someone new or do you immediately make an assumption and impose your perception on them? Do you try to understand their perception while patiently explaining your own?

Getting to know someone better, and taking time to understand their beliefs and perspective, whether we agree with them or not, help to get rid of perceptions which are based more on fear than on fact.

Effective Communication

Listening to someone, while communicating accurately and consistently, is essential to this process. Being a fundamental aspect of effective communication, listening affects what we perceive the situation to be, especially what we believe the other person is actually saying. We cannot note the difference between a symptom and a problem when we have not listened to the facts or perceptions of the facts. We cannot help if we do not really hear.

Early in my writing career I sent the first three pages of a chapter of one of my books to a white colleague and high flyer whom I greatly admired and respected for her feedback. But, even before I sent it, because it was only three pages long, her perception of its value was immediately negative. She assumed that it would not make sense (and told me so, before receiving the excerpt!). She advised how I needed to write so the public could understand what I was trying to say, and that she would not be able to be objective about it if she did not get the whole chapter. I wondered what else was operating here so that my perceived incompetence loomed large in this instance!

Once she got it, she understood the content perfectly, rated it 'astonishingly good' and felt sheepish at her earlier perception, anxieties and assumptions. But that's what happens when our self-esteem and self-perception is low. We project our fears and worries on to other people who are unlikely to share those insecurities. Worse still, when such anxieties are placed upon children, who are normally fearless, they become burdened by them and act accordingly.

Do you make the effort to really listen to other people, getting the real messages between the words, or do you assume what they are saying and miss those messages entirely?

Judging by the current divorce statistics (an average of 38% of marriages end in divorce in the Uk and even higher in America), there is a lot that isn't right in relationships after the heady days of courting. A kind of mind-blowing rigidity, routine and neglect takes place after the first few years, or even months, of a couple living together which tend to rob relationships of the love, comfort and value they should enjoy, ultimately killing all hope of their survival.

The secrets of staying in love are thus very important for any relationship and they revolve around seven essential elements, listed in order of priority:

1. Mutual Respect

At the heart of love is respect because it contains all the other six elements. Treating each other with the greatest respect is a key secret of keeping love alive. Respect is the glue that holds couples together because it shows value and appreciation. It means care for the other person, sensitivity to their feelings, regular dialogue and attention. Where these aspects are missing, there is no relationship in any true sense of the word. When we respect partners we value their presence, their opinions and their contribution. They make a difference to our life which we never take for granted.

2. Gratitude

Finding someone who enhances our happiness, who values us and desires us is one of the greatest feelings of self-reinforcement in our life, one which cannot be taken for granted. It needs remembering and nurturing every day of being together. Yet taking each other for granted, which ultimately leads to neglect, is one of the most common causes in the breakdown of relationships. Giving thanks regularly and living in a spirit of gratitude for finding that cherished person is one of the main ways of staying in love. By thanking each other, daily, for being there and for the love that is shared, it keeps the feelings alive and vibrant. It also reminds both parties of the importance of sharing each other's presence and what they both bring to the relationship.

3. Affirmation and Reinforcement

Affirming and reinforcing each other routinely is another key way to stay in love. Often people forget the compliments, the gratitude, the appreciation and the little endearments that make a difference to their partner's day. They perhaps become mean with praise or they believe they shouldn't express certain feelings because the partner should 'know' how they feel. Big mistake! Everything should be said mainly because it could be the last thing a person hears. Often we lose loved ones then live in regret and guilt at what we could have said to them, and didn't, and what we wanted to say but couldn't be bothered to say, which is such a waste of opportunity. The best way of living is to affirm each other daily; to say what we feel whenever we feel it, especially when it is positive and reinforcing. There is no greater sign of appreciation and value of a partner.

4. Regular Communication

Giving regular attention to someone and having a dialogue are very important secrets to staying in love. Communication is two ways: talking and listening. Many people are good at talking but not so good at listening, or they prefer to hear what they want to hear while deliberately excluding what they don't., which makes communicating rather problematic. The greatest gift in communication is to listen to a partner. It shows sensitivity for what matters to them, value for what they are saying and it helps to spot the danger alerts much quicker. If we are sensitive to the needs of our partner, and they are sensitive to ours, potential disagreements and conflicts will be greatly reduced. Communication also means expressiveness and openness; never to feel restricted in one's feelings or what one wishes to say. The more open and expressive one can be with one's partner is the more trust and understanding there will be in the relationship.

5. Making Time For Each Other

This is a very important aspect of staying in love. If a couple have little time for one another because they are both 'too busy' with work or the responsibilities of home/activities, that is not a relationship. That is just two single people living together for expediency. When we love we make time for one another because we are each other's priority. Even children have to take a back seat, sometimes, to make sure there is mutual focus and attention in keeping that love strong. Weekends away together, sharing as many activities as possible, surprise dates and simply being there when it matters most, are some very important ways to staying in love.

Love cannot grow when people are constantly apart. It needs to be sustained, just like a plant, with regular attention and care. Making time also mean giving space to each other for personal development instead of being together every moment of the day or trying to share every kind of activity. Sometimes relationships become claustrophobic because each individual is not given the space to breathe in his/her own way. The best way to deal with this aspect is to have a formula of 25%, 50% and 25% when it comes to activities: each 25% is for both partners to follow their own interests while coming together 50% of the time to share mutual activities.

6. Caring Actions

Love is not built on special events that occur sporadically, like just celebrating birthdays or Valentine's. People stay in love by making their routine every day actions loving ones. It means that whatever they do, especially in the home, it shows care and appreciation, not just doing such actions as special events in order to impress. It is like celebrating one's birthday every day; or celebrating when both parties met every month, instead of once each year. The more both people feel cherished, valued and affirmed is the more they will want to love one another because it will be a continuing experience of joy and excitement.

7. Spontaneity

This is an essential element in staying in love. Nothing kills a relationship quicker than rigid routine which is unchanging, especially when routines tend to rob relationships of their life and soul. There is no harm in developing routine for practical things but when it comes to love and emotions they should be spontaneous. There should be at least one surprise every week between a couple. Most neglect is felt in relationships where routine has killed the joy and spontaneity of the friendship, like making love only on a Saturday, and only in bed, instead of on any day of the week and anywhere in the house!! Less routine will not only encourage creativity in behaviour, but doing something new and spontaneous will always give greater enjoyment and a fresh way of keeping that love alive. It will also stop the couple from taking each other for granted and introduce more varied activities to keep them together. Most of all, it will stop the parties looking outside for greater excitement!

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It is a most stressful time when there is a marriage crisis because it is easy to feel that one's world is falling apart, slowly and menacingly. There is often a lot of anger, resentment, blaming, confusion and bitterness. At times it can seem that everything is finished and there's no real way out, because there will be a lot of fear, anxiety and insecurity on both sides.  However, even in the worst circumstances, there is always hope. The trick is to know how to keep hope alive to the finish and that depends on five key factors.

1. Communication

This needs a lot of time and sensitivity, especially if the other party might want to leave the home as quickly as possible. Keeping them engaged is very important. Regardless of the level of animosity between the couple, so long as both partners wish the marriage to continue that gives the strongest hope of a positive outcome. It means the couple will be more willing to talk and talk and talk: to communicate more with each other, to actually listen to one another, to affirm and validate each other and to accept each individual position with greater empathy and understanding. Often communicating is almost impossible when people have been hurt, when they believe they have been wronged, or when one partner can sense that the other has selective hearing. But at crisis moments like these, communication is the most important tool in keeping hope alive, because as long as the parties are talking, there is some hope of reconciling and even agreeing.

2. Keep Focused on the Present

Keeping focused means keeping out of the past. Whatever has caused the rift and the anger has already happened. It cannot be undone. The only course open is to discuss why it happened, what pain it caused, so that the pain and the effects on the couple and/or family are fully acknowledged, the lessons that can be learned from it and end with a promise to forgive and move on. So long as the couple keeps on about what happened for the sake of it, without any kind of closure on it, the emotional wound will stay open and the pain will be prolonged, which tend to make both parties feel overwhelmed. Keeping focused helps to keep priorities in view and it keeps hope at the forefront, because there is then the possibility of moving on, primarily through forgiveness and a determination to put the past behind them and start anew. 

3. Stop Blaming

Regardless of who is at fault that really doesn't matter for the present. The offender cannot undo the damage but they can use it as a learning experience and pledge better and more sensitive action for the future. Continually placing the blame on one person negates the whole idea of trying to reconcile and merely provides handy scapegoats for pain, anger and bitterness. Both parties should decide which is more important to them: keeping the marriage intact, and from a better basis of understanding and genuine respect, or finding scapegoats to make themselves feel better but which resolves nothing. Once the priority is established the parties can be more hopeful that the outcome will be mutually agreeable.

4. Acceptance

The one thing that really turns hope into concrete results is full acceptance of the other person: especially their feelings, their hurt, their anger, pain and general emotional experience. It means whether one agrees with the other person or not, the way they FEEL about the situation has to be acknowledged, respected and accepted. Even when one party might feel that the other is behaving unreasonably. They deserve that acceptance because they are entitled to those feelings. They alone know what is going on inside their head. If we deny people their emotions we repress their uniqueness in favour of our feelings and what we want; we also deny their hurt and we we deny them closure on their terms, instead of ours. Once there is acceptance and reinforcement, the other party is more likely to see our point of view too. But without such acceptance, feelings remain negative, in a continuing morass of resentment, and become difficult to reconcile. Full acceptance of each other means it is okay to cry, to shout, to scream, to feel confused, bewildered and shocked by the situation, and lots of negative things might be said. But they are all part of the process of understanding the situation, of coping with it and working towards acceptance of it too.

5. Positivity

This is a very important part of keeping hope alive, and a difficult part too. After all, one is trying to be positive in the face of a crisis which could finish one's marriage, especially if there are children involved. But if one is not positive, hope cannot thrive because negativity builds nothing. It simply destroys. If the other party is not too keen on keeping the marriage, it would be an uphill task for you. It means you will have to do most of the work to bring that person round to your perspective. Being positive, affirming and sensitive are key words to help you in your goal. Additionally, while the communication is going on, expand your own life with new activities and new friends so that you will feel supported and be kept grounded in what you have to do. New activities will also bring a fresh perspective to your life. If you keep yourself busy, talk a lot with your partner, accept and encourage them to move forward and also have the expectation that you will reconcile your differences, your hope should turn into reality and the crisis should also pass. 

Most women cheat through neglect, boredom and being taken for granted. Many people forget a vital factor when they get into a relationship: that human beings are constantly evolving and developing different aspirations, needs and expectations. Cheating with someone else is an attempt to come to terms with those changing needs, especially if the relationship no longer fulfils them.

To prevent one's partner from cheating, especially one's wife, one has to address those needs on four different levels:

First through daily attention that will stave off neglect.

Women like to feel they are valued, wanted and loved. Once they are taken for granted and ignored, that spells trouble. Yet, often some men use the security they feel when they have a partner to actually ignore their spouses until it is too late. Many women cheat not because they don't love their husbands, or they want to break up the home, but simply because they lack attention. Just a compliment or an appreciative look from another guy for a woman starved of attention and appreciation at home can make her feel totally different. Hence the best spouses will give some attention each day: whether through a simple phone call, compliments, having a night out or a love-in and paying due attention to their spouses whenever possible.

Second, through personal appreciation.

Regular reinforcement and appreciation stops wives from feeling taken for granted. Many women who do not work spend their time looking after children and the home only to have that relegated way behind the man's job in importance. Their efforts are likely to be taken for granted, as given, without the proper respect paid by the men in their lives. Long relationships tend to be a casualty of this. People grow comfortable in their partnerships and begin to take more than they give. Soon the rot sets in as resentment takes over. A little gift now and then, praise as often as possible and, most important, noticing when things are done or helping where possible, and as often as you can, are very important to emphasise that appreciation and value and keep the loyalty and respect intact.

Third, through maintaining affection, love and sex.

Often men unwittingly neglect their spouses through a denial of sex or not being too affectionate when they are tired after work. They stop courting their wives and making them feel special just because they are married and feel burdened with responsibility. But it is when couples are living together that the courting needs to continue; that the affection needs to grow and the sex become regular. Mutual loving and displays of affection help the couple to be in constant communication with one another and is like the glue that holds the relationship together. When the love aspect erodes, especially with affection, women are likely to look outside the home for it because that's the main way they feel valued, wanted and desired, and a primary way they show their feelings.

Fourth, through acknowledging simple evolution and avoiding being static.

If the spouse is gradually changing, especially through self education, forming new associates, joining new clubs and doing new things, that is the time the husband should be taking notice!! New activities and self education leads to new thoughts, new experiences, new colleagues, new desires and new aspirations. It is inevitable. The more one evolves is the more one needs different things for that stage of life.

For example, someone who is married at 30 would have changed quite significantly by the time they are 40. If their partner has kept up with them and is still on the same wavelength, enjoying the same topics, leisure and values, that would ensure a stronger relationship. But if the partner is still back there saying the same old things, doing the same actions and being rather boring, the attraction is bound to go between the couple. They wouldn't be sharing as much as they used to, neither would they singing from the same hymn sheet. Sooner or later someone outside will seem far more appealing. It will be a matter of time before one partner looks outside the home for someone else who fits the new state and outlook.

In fact, boredom can be the biggest cause of cheating in a relationship so husbands should make sure that they do not settle into a routine where they feel secure and cosy but which kills the interaction for good. The best way to combat this is not to be too predictable in actions, to be more spontaneous towards their wives, to try to address the partners' needs as often as possible and to have a variety of activities within the relationship than just the same thing every Friday, for example. Doing repeated activities constantly might give a sense of comfort and reliability but that tends to kill enthusiasm and motivation over time.

As long as husbands are liberal with attention, sensitive to their wives' needs, affectionate and loving, spontaneous and appreciative in actions and mindful of natural changes, they are likely to feel more confident in keeping their attraction, keeping wives faithful and loyal while, at the same time, keeping the relationship fresh, exciting and enjoyable. If the wives are doing that too, that would be a magical match!

We all seek happiness in our lives, but being happy in a relationship is not so easy to achieve for two important reasons. Our happiness often depends on the other person's mood and expectations, and couples don't always coincide on what makes them happy. Furthermore, when two strangers come together, trying to share the same space, it is a learning process having to be tolerant of each other's whims and faults. However, by observing certain simple, but essential, ground rules, it should lead to a lot more happiness within the relationship.

There are seven key elements of the truly happy home:

1. Reciprocity: This just means give and take in a generous and unselfish way. Where you have two givers in a relationship, giving 100% to each other, that is a match made in heaven. Resentment and frustration only creep in when you have one definite taker expecting the other person to provide everything, to do all the work or mainly to serve their needs. With reciprocity come sensitivity and respect. When we care we are sensitive to our partner's desires and concerns; we care how they feel; we give them our best and they would do all that in return too. Mutual giving and respect make up reciprocity which is the greatest source of happiness between a couple.

2. Thoughtfulness: Thinking for our partners, being sensitive to their moods and being empathetic to their anxieties all help to make a relationship truly pleasurable. When we are thoughtful we value the things that matter to our partners; we give them space to develop their unique selves; we accept them completely as they are without conditions and we allow them to be human without judging or criticising them. When we are thoughtful about a partner we give them room to breathe, we value them daily and celebrate their presence. Thoughtfulness allows couples to treat one another as special and to put each other first at every opportunity.

3. Expectations: Reduce the expectations that are brought to the relationship. When couples begin their relationships they tend to bring many unrealistic expectations with them. But unfulfilled expectations eventually kill relationships because they breed disappointment and disillusion., When we expect too much of partners which they cannot realistically fulfil, they feel inadequate while we feel disappointed in them. To achieve happiness in a relationship keep the expectations, especially of perfection, to a minimum. In this way we won't be judging partners purely by what we expect, or what they have not done. They will be fully accepted and loved as they are. If they are doing that for us too there will be more negotiation, more empathy, greater understanding and lots of reciprocity!

4. Sense of Humour: This is crucial to any happiness in a relationship. The ability to see the funny side of life, to laugh at ourselves and to accept that everything we experience is part of our journey and development, is a true gift. Sometimes things can seem pretty dire but their real impact comes in how we approach them. We can try to use our humour to overcome and diffuse them; we can also appreciate a joke, or we can be sombre and serious, making every molehill into a mountain. The choice is ours, but humour will add richness to a relationship, especially when the couple can laugh together, and is bound to make a partnership more enjoyable.

5. Positivity: To have a positive attitude to life takes us much farther than a negative one because it draws us to other positive people; it makes us more adept and capable in dealing with adversity and it allows us to to take things in our stride more comfortably than constantly worrying or fretting. If someone is constantly complaining that does not encourage a happy atmosphere. That is why positivity is emotionally empowering to both parties. When someone is smiling and fearless it does far more to warm us and motivate us than one with a frown. Positivity allows us to see the better side of life, it softens our moods, keeps us hopeful of better things and keeps us feeling much happier than many other factors in life.

6. Love and Affection: Love is the greatest foundation of a happy relationship because when we love someone we affirm them, we value them, we desire them and make them feel wanted and we connect with them in a special celebratory way, every single day, which is just magical. Love keeps a couple together and makes them far happier than being detached because it shows what they mean to each other. Where there is love and affection there is usually respect and appreciation. This affects how we feel about ourselves, our partners and our world; it increases our sense of belonging and security and, inevitably, the level of happiness we naturally feel.

7. Sharing activities together: While there should always be space for individual pursuits, couples who share a lot of their time together in mutually enjoyable activities tend to have a happier relationship. The joy of sharing, of reinforcing each other and simply being together helps the couple's feelings of joy and contentment, warmth and love. The simplest things to share make for the most enjoyable relationships because it is about being valued and included by another.

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(Photo images used on this page (ID: 1159549 & ID: 1206193) courtesy of stock.xchng).

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