Ageing Issues

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Step 1 in Enjoying a Disgraceful Life - Love Yourself!

You cannot grow older disgracefully if you have no confidence to do so, and confidence comes from self-love and high self-esteem. Nothing else. How many of us cannot bear to see ourselves in a mirror, cannot stand to hear our voices coming back at us, or cannot bear to see ourselves in a photo or on a video? Too few people like what they see or hear of themselves. In fact, one famous actress said she never watches her films at all as she cannot bear to see how she acts. Luckily for her, the paying public takes a different view, otherwise no one would bother to watch her performances.

We are all beautiful and unique beings, made in the image of our god, universe, nature or whatever we believe in. But some higher power is at the back of us somewhere because our body is nothing short of amazing. Everyone has some beauty which is uniquely theirs. We tend to seek the approval of others for our existence, especially when we are younger and need help in making our way into the world. That personal need follows us into old age where we continue to wait for people to approve of us before we like ourselves. But self-love and self-respect are the key items which keep us as young as possible They not only bring out the best in us, they also give us a deep feeling of oneness and happiness in ourselves which gradually affects our well-being and our interaction with others.

When we love ourself, we give permission for others to love us too, to appreciate our strengths and weaknesses, and to enhance that sense of worth and significance we all seek. Many people undervalue themselves and use either their parents or their lovers to set the standard of acceptability for them. They deliberately ignore their strengths, preferring to focus on their perceived weaknesses, to the extent that if their relationship is ‘failing’, they are likely to blame themselves for it.

If they were not loved and affirmed as children, they are also likely to see themselves as unworthy and inferior to siblings or friends, always lagging behind while clinging to the judgements of significant others in a constant comparison with them. As they become older, that negative reaction would have cemented itself inside their heads and, as they age slowly, their self-esteem takes a battering. By the time they are in their 50s or 60s, the weight of the world is likely to be upon their shoulders, helped by their loneliness, anxieties, endless problems and low opinion of themselves. In fact, the biggest tell-tale sign of this unhappiness is likely to be extra weight gain. As the weight piles on, they feel even more unattractive to themselves and to others. Gradually, their feelings begin to affect their health when the negative reaction of others unwittingly makes their fears come true in an unrelenting cycle of self-loathing.

Consequences of Lacking Self-Love
Self-love is crucial because it leads to a love of our bodies and talents. It also frees us to stop focusing upon what we lack, while we accept ourselves as the beautiful and wondrous beings we are. When we love ourselves we are likely to nurture our bodies, to be proud of who we are and to nurture others too for who they are. If we have little self-love we are hardly likely to have much love to give either. In fact, people without self-love tend to be more self-centred and uncomfortable with their surroundings, finding constant fault with their environment, nit-picking at others and whingeing eternally about the ‘good old days’ and what should be happening now. The present is never quite adequate, despite our phenomenal inventions and benefits.

People without self-love are usually reluctant to learn new things because their identity is attached to a past life which would unravel if they strayed too far from their anchor, or were challenged to change their outlook. They tend to live in fear of new innovations while feeling confused and bewildered by rapid change. The extreme ones are likely to make people around them feel inadequate because they are still striving for what they wanted in their earlier life and haven’t yet achieved. Believing they have lost their opportunities forever, they tend to be full of regret and will continually expect their children to chase those lost dreams. More likely, they will expect anyone they value to live up to the impossible standards they have set themselves in order to feel better and to fuel their sense of significance.

This kind of behaviour is not so surprising. Loving the self is not an easy thing to do. It is very difficult to change years of negative treatment and a lack of reinforcement into something positive and wholesome. Someone once said that we are prisoners of our own experiences. If we were brought up on persistent abuse, we will assume that behaviour to be not only morally right, but we would also regard it as the accepted practice everywhere else too. That perception would hold until our life experience widens sufficiently to show us otherwise. When we have been through a lifetime of neglect, put-downs, non-reinforcement, striving to please, or even having abuse of any kind, it is really difficult to change those habits and begin to value ourselves enough. There is no quick-fix remedy, but making a start at least promises some action. *

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EXCERPTS
1. To be older, without all those pressing responsibilities, is one of the most exciting periods in our life. A period which is seldom appreciated because of our perception of it, being brainwashed from a long time back that we should dread it and being haunted by the idea that we have only illness and frailty to look forward to with ageing.

Yet, I cannot think of anything more sexy and formidable than to have great intelligence, wisdom and experience, and a wonderful, healthy, shapely body to go with it! Eat your heart out all those younger airhead ‘celebrities’ with nothing more than their looks! At the rate I’m going, I’ll probably be the only woman in Britain who will have to whip out my birth certificate in two years’ time (when I’m 60) to prove that I am entitled to my free bus pass, and I am relishing the moments. In fact, I can’t wait to be 60! Am I mad, or wot?"

2. "For me, ‘disgraceful’ behaviour in older people is one which takes us out of our comfort zones, one that defies predictions and unchanging expectations; one that extends our knowledge, our boundaries and our reach to view life and approach it in a different way. It is an attitude that takes us to new vistas and venues, to new heights of pleasure and personal appreciation of the unique and formidable beings we become as we age; one that brings us firmly and unmistakably in the modern era. In short, behaviour which helps us to defy ageing and regard it simply as a number marking the stages of life, instead of one that brings fear and dread and controls our living."

3. "People tend to look back with rose tinted lenses on the past perhaps because they are years older and are feeling less confident. They occupy themselves with the things they wish they had done instead of what they could still do no. But no other age that has gone before is ever better than the present one because there is always an improvement in education, quality of life and opportunities. How many people would wish to go back into the 17th century before they discovered anaesthetic or penicillin? Or return to the 18th century before the car was created? Or revisit 1915 before the First World War and women had no vote? We tend to give past ages the halo effect to help us to cope with changes we don’t like now. But, for me, the age we are in is always the best. And once we appreciate that simple fact, we are then in a position to accept it, benefit from it, contribute to its growth and enhance our own lives through it, as I have done with technology. So leave those regrets well behind."

4. "I applied for X Factor immediately after the BBC programme, fired up with enthusiasm, and began practising immediately. I created a karaoke machine on my computer with the help of a wonderful karaoke website and when I heard my voice on my first attempt, I nearly died standing up!! Needless to say, my friends thought I had taken leave of my senses. They didn’t say anything negative. They just kept asking me repetitively, like parrots, if I was sure I was doing the right thing, giving a hint I refused to take. But they were also magnificently supportive: listening to my renditions, accompanying me to karaoke nights to sing away, encouraging me massively and dreaming with me of what was possible. I didn’t have their fears so I didn’t see any obstacle in getting on the show.

I never felt I stood any chance of winning, but I saw myself, with my great personality, as the new Chica, the equivalent of cheeky Chico who got really far in the 2005 competition on sheer character and self-belief. I thought of my children too, with their magnificent singing voices, who should really be the ones taking the audition and I was determined to do my bit to make up for that. When I got a letter of acceptance giving me my personal audition date, I nearly collapsed with shock."

This book is about the complete acceptance that your life is a journey and you are still travelling, not coming to a stop just because you have retired or have reached a certain age. You could die tonight, or in thirty years time. So not knowing that crucial date means viewing every moment as a new opportunity instead of it merely leading to a dead end.

As I write, there are 25 million people over 45 years old in the UK, with 20 millions over 50. That’s an awful lot of people who are not being catered for in many ways. People who have a certain mindset about ageing, who are perhaps lonely, unhappy, afraid of the constant changes and are virtually invisible. However, it needn’t be like that at all, if one is prepared to see another perspective, to allow the benefits of life to come through and to allow one’s self to grow older disgracefully!

Dive in and start reading today!

The Top 5 Keys to a Longer Life

It is now official. Recent research has discovered the single most important thing which definitely adds years to our life and it is not what you might readily believe. It is a little surprising, in fact. However, in discovering this key to longevity, they also uncovered other essentials which extend our existence and explain why some people are more prone to die earlier than others. We all would like to live as long as possible, but most people die between 60 and 70 years old. Yet we have the capacity to live until 150 years old, at current trends, with greater care of ourselves. Take the UK population. If you live in Manchester, in the North, you are likely to live, on average, for 10 years LESS than someone in the South or in London. That's an awful lot of years to lose just because of where you live. Think of all the things you could enjoy and achieve in those 10 years that you wouldn't have! Furthermore, throughout the UK women outlive men, on average, 8 years more perhaps because men tend to be more stressed, talk less and repress their feelings. Thus they become emotionally handicapped with a lot of frustrations through the lack of communication and circle of friends. This tends to sap their health, their feeling of inclusion and their capacity to cope.

The Top 5
So what are the top 5 things which keep you living longer? In reverse order, they are the following:
5. NUTRITION: If you feed your body well, and in moderation, you extend your life even more. Your body is not a machine. It is a finely honed temple for our life here on earth. If you insist on feeding it the wrong foods, having too much alcohol, smoking or taking drugs, which are all bad for it, then it cannot serve you as long as it might serve someone else. You imagine a beautiful temple that offers us everything we want for our survival, then violating it with all kinds of things which it cannot cope with. Sooner or later, that temple will not be able to function the way it was meant to. The only way out is to develop coping mechanisms in the form of illnesses or to pack up completely through death.

4. HEALTH: Of course, the best nutrition means greater health. It does not mean we will never get ill or nothing will happen to us. What being healthy gives you is a much greater chance of being fit and enjoying life at your peak. Money cannot buy health but it can help us to keep healthier through the best medical care and looking after our bodies. So being healthy is extremely important for giving us those extra years. Our capacity to cope with life's ups and downs is greatly increased and our very survival is affected by the kind of health we have.

3. WEALTH - This does not just mean having a lot of money, though it helps. It means the way we THINK: whether in lack, loss or inadequate terms, which then restricts our enjoyable experiences, our achievements and flow of money. Or whether we see life as an exciting journey where we will have lots of opportunities offered to us which we can use to our advantage. How we think and evaluate our life's prospects is very important to the amount of wealth we actually have, and the more we think in positive terms, the richer we get in life and material things because we will be willing to take the necessary risks. Obviously, if we have little to worry about financially, we are going to feel less stressed which then affects the kind of health we enjoy. But good health is very important for a good and long life.

For example, back in the UK, one of the richest areas of it is Kensington and Chelsea in the heart of London. There male residents can expect to live, on average, of 82.2 years. Move northwards to Glasgow City in Scotland, and the men there can only manage 69.9 years, on average (Source: National Statistics). That is more that 12 years less for Glaswegians!! It really is frightening. So money is very important in extending your life because one can live more comfortably, with less exposure to illnesses and enjoy better health through more adequate nutrition. But this health starts from our mindset and if we think we are poor, and likely to remain poor, we're doomed to a shorter life.

Emotional Security
2. SOCIAL NETWORK: Researchers have found that the friends and family networks we have are the second biggest factor in giving us a longer life because they give us emotional security. People who are isolated tend to fret or whinge themselves to death because they lack the essential life elements of feeling significant, valued, wanted and included. Lacking in role models, mentors, friends, relations and people to affirm them, their existence is a lonely one which keeps them stuck in a isolated negative groove without regular affirmation of the wonderful people they are. Having a social network of people to value, affirm and encourage us is the second greatest factor in keeping us alive longer. It affirms us as significant and valued beings, it keeps us connected to others in an inclusive way and it feeds our will to live. We enjoy our life more and appreciate it when we are surrounded by people who care or who value our presence. So it seems that networks like MySpace, Facebook etc are now playing a vital role in extending our lives than even we could guess. And now, for the big one....

1. EDUCATION: A person who has been educated, at least to high school level, will live longer than high school drop outs, simply because a certain level of education gives the individual the skill to make decisions, to plan and to cope with the rigors of their life. Knowledge is power but applied knowledge changes lives. People with little education lack the means to control their lives or enrich it; they find it hard to run a business or choose the right path for themselves in life and so are likely to remain frustrated, plagued by ill health, miserable and complaining than others who know what they need to do to improve their circumstances.

In 1999 a Columbia University graduate student, Adriana Lleras-Muney, found that if you want to improve health, you will get more return by investing in education than by investing in medical care. It turned out that life expectancy at age 35 was extended by as much as one and a half years simply by going to school for one extra year.

So, the one social factor that researchers agree is consistently linked to longer lives in every country where it has been studied is education. It is more important than race and it obliterates any effects of income. Those factors that are popularly believed to be crucial, money and health insurance, for example, pale in comparison.

As other researchers conclude, what may make the biggest difference is keeping young people in school. A few extra years of school is associated with extra years of life and vastly improved health decades later, in old age.

Education, being the key to a longer life is not so surprising. If we know what we have to do to enhance the benefits to our existence, through learning and knowledge, we are more likely to do it. For example, cigarette smoking has been proved to be a class activity. Most professional people do not smoke because they are aware of the consequences for themselves and their family. People in the other classes, who are likely to be less well educated, are less convinced and so are less likely to worry about the risks or to pay attention to them.

So there you have it. Education is the key to extending our lives. The key question now is: How is your level of education and its potential for enhancing YOUR life?

For me, there are three main causes of ageing.

First and most important is the brainwashing people have from society and the media around the ageing process. As soon as we are born, we soon learn about the negative things we can expect from being older, because of society's fear around ageing. There is nothing positive associated with ageing, so everyone is directly and indirectly taught to fear it mainly because of its connection with ill health, physical degeneration, compulsory retirement and exclusion from the wider society. Not surprisingly, people come to dread the ageing process and precipitate it in more negative ways through their attitude. I bet if we were told we would live forever when we are born we would have a different mindset about ageing!

Second, we age through our thoughts first and then our bodies follow. We cannot get a positive life from negative thinking, especially through our negative labels. We need to get rid of that old' label and think in youthful terms. A guy I spent some time talking to kept saying "You can't teach an old dog like me new tricks." Not only did he look older than his age but he acted it. Whatever he kept saying was becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy because he certainly had a closed mind. If you see yourself as old' and useless', your body will happily oblige. That is why some older people are extremely youthful and agile because they refuse to conform to age boxes.

Most of the illnesses we have are induced by the mind. A long time back we started fearing getting older, fearing certain illnesses, telling ourself that by a certain age some painful things are going to start happening. We focus on them constantly, dreading them daily, instead of on the positive things and the great health we are enjoying. Surprise, surprise! They all fall into place exactly as expected a few years later. Sadly, by that time, we would have forgotten that we brought them into being by our continuous focus upon them. The powerful mind is what dictates the quality of our life and when we use it to think negatively, negative events are all we are likely to get.

The Effect of Inactivity and Negative Thoughts
Third, we age through not using our brain and other faculties. Many people, especially when they retire, stop using their brains, memories, problem-solving faculties, they stop dreaming and aspiring, and live a completely sedentary fearfful life. Of course the quality of their life deteriorates much quicker. If we don't use it we lose it and that is the biggest cause of both mental and physical ageing, the way we CHOOSE to live as we get older. We might age physically according to our years but it is our thoughts, expectations and activities that determine how much we really age.

I woke up on my 59th birthday giving thanks for yet another day of life. I had never felt better or more alive. I no longer take my days for granted ever since I learnt that appreciating everything and every person sent to accompany me on my journey was a very satisfying way to live. Even more magical, the more I give thanks the more I seem to have to be grateful for. I thought of all the women like me, in their fifties or forties, who hate being older, who refuse to mention their age when asked, who physically dread the aging process, who spend their days not being grateful for life, but cursing their age, watching their wrinkles, and counting them grudgingly, getting even more lines as they watch; women who dread to see their face and bodies in the mirror.

My heart went out to them because a long time ago, before I understood the ageing process, I used to be like that. Then I gradually learnt that as I think, I am and that dead people don't age! If I am aging, I must be ALIVE, thank goodness! In fact, I cannot wait to be 60 next year because I know I will look and feel exactly the same. I think about my age only in relation to using it as an encouragement and inspiration to others. I know I do not care anymore about aging itself, and the strangest thing is that I am looking better with each birthday.